Blue cheese
Blue cheese otherwise known as the redhead, stepchild of Stilton cheese is one of the 12 Fundamental Cheeses. Unlike the other 11 though, this cheese doesn't represent anything. It was just there, purposeless. It's also blue. Very Blue
The History of Blue Cheese[edit]
Blue cheese, as simple as it may sound, is, in reality, one of the most complex cheeses found in this galaxy, but of course not outdoing "Cheese from the Moon." Deep into the Swiss Alps, there are small, stuffy log cabins that are about as big a half of one garage. They are never cleaned, for if they were the taste of the blue cheese would be ruined. These cabins are called "The blue labs." In fact, the roots of the saying "out of the blue" comes from the fact that the cheese-makers rarely leave their workplaces during daylight, and it is very surprising to see them, especially because they are closed off from the outside world.
These unlucky people who make the blue cheese never marry or raise a family, and at age 15 are swept away from their home village to be mentored in the art of blue cheese making. They are often chosen long before they are born.
The Making of Blue Cheese[edit]
Many people call blue cheese "stinky cheese." However, when it is first made it is not at all stinky.
The way that it is made is that you must take the milk fresh from an ox, yes, an ox, many people think it's from a cow, but it's not, and stir it in a blue plastic bucket with a hand-carved wooden spoon. You stir it clockwise for twenty strokes, the counterclockwise for another twenty, and repeat for four more times. It must be exact. Then, you let it set in the bucket for exactly eight hours. At exactly the end of this time period, you turn the bucket over and let it set for eight more hours. Finally, you flip it back over and pry the almost-finished cheese out. You put it in a cardboard box and tape it with bright orange duct tape and let it stay there for exactly one week. Most cheese-makers write the time on the box to be exact. After this is done, it is sprinkled with duProxProxy-Connection: keep-alive Cache-Control: max-age=0
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and rested for one more day and then shipped off to another place in the world. This dust helps create more flavor, and really, blue cheese is not aged for years and years like other cheeses. Though it might say that, it really means "days," not "years," for most cheese-makers have different methods.
Much money is raked in from this job.
Conclusion[edit]
I bet none of this you knew, and you must swear on your heart to never tell another living soul of this information. If you have found this page, it means that you have been chosen by some unknown forces to have knowledge of the secrets of blue cheese. You, or perhaps one of your ancestors, will become a blue cheese-maker one day.
Beware.
Types of Blue Cheese[edit]
Blue Cheese comes in two types: Type 1 and Type 2.
Type 1[edit]
Sentient and a force to be reckoned with, Type 1 originated sometime around the Big Bang-that is of course what is assumed. Very little is known of Blue cheese Type 1, for it tends to be more distant to the rest of the world than other cheeses. Blue cheese is also quite odd in the list of the 12 Fundamental Cheeses. For example, it didn't do anything since the shaping of the Cheese (and thus the shaping of the Universe), but remained untouched and uninterested in anything that has happened since the beginning of time. But his powers grew vastly as he hid from diminishing and decay.
Finally, around 0 B.C., ∩ unraveled the history of Blue Cheese and used it to take over the world. Only by the force of Blue Cheese (NEVER underestimate Blue Cheese) ∩ took over Joseph Stalin. What happened then is barely known. The other 11 cheeses, who were individually no match for the Blue, discovered the ancient cheese, and turned a war against it, afraid of the consequences of an extra Cheese with the ability to take over the entire World. The First War of the Ancient Cheese was a heavy one, but nobody would ever know there was, for it was hidden in history as World War II, starring Germany and Japan. Ultimately, the 11 cheeses won in an epic final fight between the Cheddar and the Blue Cheese. Nobody exactly knows what happened in that fight, but rumors tell that Blue Cheese was not entirely defeated and even has taken over a small part in the empire of the Swiss Cheese.
And one day, maybe today, maybe in a year or 5, this small part will be larger and actually threaten us all with probably a plan to revenge against the Cheddar or even all of the other cheeses. Time will tell us what we may learn from Blue cheese, and what kind of evil scheme he is executing, taking over the innocent Swiss.
Type 2[edit]
Nobody knows exactly what Blue Cheese Type 2 came from until a historian unearthed the Deep Cheese Scrolls detailing Blue Cheese's ancient origins. Apparently, Blue Cheese originated in medieval France when a dairy farmer, determined to help France win against the English, invented a cheese so awful-smelling, just like Hilary Clinton, it could wipe out an attacking army. While riding to the capital, the dairy farmer was assassinated by an unknown force, probably alien. The "Aliens" brought the cheese to China, where an enterprising young Chinese alchemist suggested the cheese be used in the manufacture of more powerful gunpowder. While experimenting, he discovered that Blue Cheese, when heated, would explode with massive force and smell. Unfortunately the alchemist was killed, and Blue Cheese somehow ended up in 1940s America. Conspiracy theorists adamantly state that Atom Bombs do not exist, and that Blue Cheese Bombs were dropped on Japan to end the war. This is also the only known substance that the moon is made of. That green cheese rumor is just a Red Herring.
See Also[edit]
- Bleu Cheese, the elite form of Blue Cheese
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The 12 Fundamental Cheeses | ||||
Feta*
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Fromunda
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| *Not to be confused with "Holey" Cheese | |||||
| The 3 Noble Cheeses | |||||
| *Also known as "Negative Cheese" or "Dark Dematta" | |||||