Benji
“You've been BENJIED!”
“I would do unspeakable things to that ass!”
“Ow, my (Insert bodypart here)!!”
Benji is derived from the name 'Ben', which lost it's street cred in the battle of Nevermore vs. the Drug dealer Wars of Twenty Ohot Twelve. The Benji is an elusive creature, who can usually be found clinging around the school yard next to the Cool Kids. Once a Benji has clung on to you, there is little to no chance of getting rid of him. Be Warned: The Benji is known to be one of the world's most dangerous Game Killas, and you will lose all of your street cred if the Benji clings to you. Even with these detriments to your character, there can be some redemming value to Benji. Benji can be used to pick up chicks, however they may turn out to be men, ugly ugly men. Also, the Benji can be used for scaling Mexican Border fences with his extreme jumping prowess. Other members of the Benji family include Mexicans, Asians, Your mom, and Joseph Stalin. Another fact about Benji is that he is a Communist. Also, Benji is considered a God to many third world countries that can't afford the real Jesus.
While these redeming traits of Benji are enjoyable, his constant whining can annoy even the most impervious of people. So whenever you see Benji, kick him, you'll feel better.
Benji Fun Facts[edit]
- Benji believes that America was not discovered by Christopher Columbus. Rather, he believes that the Viking, Leif Erikson, discovered America first. He also believes that you cannot discover a continent with an indegionus people already living there. This makes the Benji a Communist. Colombus discovered America. Leif Erikson discovered Unamerica.
- Benji knows no shame, and can often be used as a sponge for wet mats.
- Benji discovered the 13th element known as fire.
- Benji requires the use of two 30-packs of condoms a week. Hence the nickname, Turboass
- Benji is a FAIL.
- Benji is a failure at french.... more so than diesel.
- Many have mistakenly believed that Benji wrote the book, "Rape; By Benji". However, the semi-colon is after the 'Rape', which implies that Benji is not the author, but the rapist. This book, which was thought to be a best-seller, flopped on the market. Benji was quoted saying, "It's not my fault they're all retarded monkies" and proceeded to make his monkey face.
- Benji may be the oldest dog known to mankind. With his film debut in 1974's self titled "Benji" (A movie featuring the epic battle of Benji vs. Einstein), to his 2004 film, "Off The Leash" (A Dirty Hairy esque' shootem' up thriller), Benji ranks in at being 210 in dog years.
- A bite from any Benji can cause the effects of Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. This can only be cured by having the Blue Wizard infect you with Super AIDS, which some consider worse than the original virus.
Natural Enemies Of Benji[edit]
- Lassie
- Rin Tin Tin
- Rabid Old Yeller
- Brian Boitano
- Toto
- Satan
- Your Mom
- The Shotgun
- Sean Penn
- Everyone on CUA
Talents[edit]
Some of Benji's talents are:
- 16.7 sec 100m dash
- At these speeds, his only competition is Justin Gatlin.
- His monkey face
- Cat Wrangling
- Being Annoying
- Incessant Complaining
- Doin' Stuff
- Breaking Three Fingers at Once
- Scaring girls away
- And therefore being GAY
Benefits of Benji[edit]
While Benji remains as one of the most annoying people in the world, he maintains several redeming qualities which make him a enjoyable "pinata".
- Circle of Pain
- High Punchability
- Easy to put-down; therefore making you feel great!
- Falls with the greatest of ease
- Sponge