Awkward Conversation
Hey, Hey! Haven't seen you in a while. What? Yes, it's Jim! Jim Schuman! I was two rooms down from you at Alpocorp three years ago. Yeah, we talked that one time during the fire drill. You were going through that divorce at the time. You remember, don't you? Your wife had just cheated on you with one of her fellow dolphin trainers at SeaWorld. Yeah! How did that turn out for you?... Oh... Really? Left you with nothing but your old '91 Civic... Right... Well, umm... Sorry about that, man... Uhh... But, hey! You're better off without her, right?... Really? She's modeling now?... That... sure is... uhhh... something, isn't it...
So... How are Things?
Right... Right... Oh! Do you still see anyone from work? Oh, right... Now that I think about it I do remember hearing you had been, uh, let go. What'd they get you for, making them look bad with all your sales? Hahaha...haha... Oh... Well, yeah, they do look down on sexual harassment nowadays... Yeah, I guess the settlement did say you couldn't have any contact with any of your old co-workers... Well, ahhhh... I guess I'm ok, since I'm another guy, haha... Really? You were sued by both women and men... That's, a...heh heh...Ummm, that's just how it... err.... goes sometimes, I guess... Well, ummm... where did you go after that? Bigger and better things for sure... Wal-Mart!... right... right... You're a manager? Oh... Well stocking shelves uhhh... isn't... that bad. I mean, you could have been a janitor. Now that would have been pretty awful... Oh... So I guess you became one after you quit... Fired from Wal-Mart too, huh?... That's... uhhhh... interesting... Umm... What for?... Well, yeah, I guess it is hard to keep a job while you're in jail...hehehe... You know what, I don't think I really need to know why you were there... Oh, so, uhh... part of your parole is that you have to tell everyone you talk to... And all of your neighbors... And you have to tell every store owner before you go into their store... Right, ahhh... You know what? Ummm... You don't need to tell me. I'll just... well, ummm... How about we just guess I can figure it out later... Yeah, that's probably for the best.
Who, Me?
Ummm... sure... I guess we can talk about me. Yeah, I'm still with Alpocorp... I actually got a promotion or two. Yeah, ironically, I lead our legal department now. I guess it would have been me firing you all those years ago had I already been promoted, right? Ha ha...ha ha... Right... well, ummm... it's a great job. I love it... Why are you looking so tense there, buddy?...hehehe... Well, ummmm... yeah, my family is uh, pretty good. Farah and the three kids are just awesome. I have some pictures here of the kids, do you want to see them? Ok, they should be right in my wal-l-e... Right... Ummmmmm... Nothing, nothing... I'm fine... I... ummmmm... ummmmmm... I think the, uh, pictures are... ummmm... In my other wallet! Yes! They must be in my other wallet! Sorry, I guess I can't show them to you... What do you mean I'm acting weird?... No! Why would I not want to show the pictures of my kids to you?... I, uh, just left them at home... Yeah. Sorry... Uhhh, What else? Umm... geez... ah... Well, we just bought a new house. It's pretty big too. We could finally afford it with my new salary. I'm making a little over $100,000 a year actua... Ummm... yeah, you know what? I don't really like talking about myself all that much... Yeah... Err... let's talk about something else...
Ummm...
... Ah... Ummmm... Right... Heh heh... Well... Ah... Hey, didn't you have kids too!? Yeah! Little Jack and Denise, I remember you talking about them. You said they were your life; the whole reason you are alive... Oh... Your wife took them with her to Texas. That's... Awful, man. I'm really sorry about that... Yeah... Uhh... So... Do you still see them for summers?... Oh, they won't let you have the kids with you for a whole summer if you don't have a house... Right... Well, uhhh... I guess that makes sense. They can't sleep in your '91 Civic every night... No, probably not even with the pleather seats... Well... Ummm... would they let you see them if you... uhh... stayed at a friend's house?... Oh, no, not mine!... There's... ahhh...Heh heh... ummmm... just not enough room in the house... Yeah! The house is just a little too small... What? I told you it was pretty big earlier? Ummmmm... Well, you know how us guys can be. We're always lying to make things sound bigger and better than they really are...... Well, what about another friend's house?... Oh, yeah... I guess you can't see the kids with, uh, the jail sentence hanging over you... No, really, you...really don't need to tell me why you were in jail... It's fine.
So... How are your Parents?
Uhhhh... I think I met them once at a company picnic. They were... ummmm... real nice, sweet people. Oh No!... Eaten by bears, you say? You're kidding!... What? No, I wasn't trying to make light of the situation... I'm, uh, sorry, yeah... Really sorry. Seriously, I didn't mean to make you cry... Come on, buddy... Cheer up a little... Hey! At least they went quick and painless, yeah?... Oh oh... No one could find them, and they were alive for 8 days after the attack?... Wow! Well that's gotta be a record or some... thing... Seriously, I'm sorry. I, uh... Wow. Umm... phew... Heh... Well... Ummm... I should probably take off now... Yeah... Good seeing you. Sure, sure... I'll... uhhh... see you around... I'll just look for the old '91 Civic, right!? Right!? Hahaha ...Well... yeah... I'll... Uhhh... I guess I'll just see you later... Ummmm... Have a, uh, good day. Err... yeah... Well, uh, bye...
Ah... I Guess You Could... uhhh... See this Too...
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