Amy Schumer
“I'm a feminist, and I can do whatever I want”
Amy Schumer (allegedly born June 1, 1981)[1] is an American female actress, writer, director, feminist, and urologist. She attempted to enter the world of comedy in the early 2000's and subsequently failed, then tried again in 2007 on the game show Last Comic Standing. She was offered 25 dollars[2] afterwards to run a show that she could claim was hers, but was really ran by an evil media corporation.
  · May 31, 2017
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| I'm a feminist, so I can make insulting jokes about men! What do you call a man? A marapist hahaha! I also have a vagina and I get to make soooooo many funny jokes about it! |
Early life[edit]
Amy Schumer was born June 1, 1901 to Sandra Jane and Gordon David Schumer, who owned a furniture company. Her parents looked upon her and stated "she's destined to be a comedian"[3]. Raising her until she was 3, where she was then sent off to the circus in a misguided attempt to make her funny. She was then educated at the local elementary school where she partook in her first "talent" show. She harnessed her inner comedian--as her parents had told her to-- and stood up on the stage. The words began to form in her mouth, she already knew how to make everyone cringe laugh. She neared the microphone, with her lips almost touching. She was ready... Her vocal cords vibrated as her tremendous roar of the 23rd most hilarious word in the 10 year old's dictionary was unleashed...
“Vagina”
Career[edit]
Schumer began her own show Inside Amy Schumer in 2013 and subsequently shut it down in 2016 due to financial troubles. It was found that advertising feminine hygiene products and making jokes exclusively about her own genitalia isn't all that funny. She then dappled into competitive underwater basket weaving in 2017 and made a singular appearance in the consolation bracket. From there on she has made multiple guest appearances in many random shows, allowing her to "piggyback" on others. She has also "directed" multiple "movies" in which she spouts her young humor for 2 hours straight.
She, as of recently, has re-invigorated her underwater basket weaving hobby and is seeking to compete on a professional level. However, she has a very bad habit of nearly drowning, so she may not have much of a future.
Feminism[edit]
Amy Schumer is a devout feminist, who "masterfully" intertwines her political motivations and ideas in her comedy". She has recorded some of her greatest punchlines through her political sketches. She received a place on Top 100 most "interesting" people of 2015. She has received many awards for her devout feminism and the concept of "I am a feminist and I can do whatever I want; No one can get mad at me, or you're a sexist".
Schumer is also known for claiming that she can rape[4] men. This was widely praised by feminists who wanted to join in on the traditionally male-dominated hobby. Her practices heavily influenced the Woman's Serial Rapists Association of America's creation and founding. Their teachings have been echoed through the halls of feminism since that fateful day.
Father's Bankruptcy[edit]
Her father [5] once ran a successful furniture manufacturing business that paid for everything she wanted,[6] but was forced into bankruptcy following tax problems.
Future[edit]
Amy has attempted to start her new Netflix series "how to be a woman in a world of men" where she will talk about the humor behind her original skit "Vagina".
Footnotes[edit]
- ↑ Though she was "officially" born on this date, her sense of humor is rather young
- ↑ allegedly, this was also to cover other costs...
- ↑ a very credible source claimed this is what happened
- ↑ Imagine getting raped by that thing. I mean, she ain't bad though...
- ↑ during her childhood
- ↑ but not what she needed