Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Dave Brubeck (one mo' time)

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David Brubeck

gonna try again for something a little more in-depth. mostly looking for points of expansion. T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 06:28, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Unless you mean the article Dave Brubeck, I have already reviewed it, and it doesn't seem to have any significant changes to it. I couldn't find anything called Dave Brubeck (one mo' time). Phrank Psinatra 11:42, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

No offense, but your review really didn't really get too specific or in-depth with its criticism, so I put up another request to get a better review. I didn't do the same with Mingus because it's already on the VFH fast-track, and will probably just clog the queue at this point. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:05, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Humour:	6	Let's take this from the head as they say in jazz - The first paragraph I thought was little random in scope. But I see that you're going for the 'This guy's white, how is it that he's good at jazz except by accident?' vibe. Correct me if I'm wrong - perhaps you might make more of this. I think the mention of Kenny G is valid, but I reckon the idea of 'many jazz historians' according him jazz status is silly rather than funny. I liked the second paragraph, in particular the very jazzy 'I could go with this'. But it's here that you really start driving the 'white guy in jazz' thing home too much. I'd maybe expand that stereotype out a bit, y'know, like dwell on his privileged status, his middle-class nature. Third para: I like the explanation for his asymmetric time signatures! Very good, but maybe you could preface it with an invented quote from Brubeck saying some pseudo-conceptual stuff about 'the nature of rhythm and its deviations' or some such, and then hit them with the punchline. Or maybe he got the idea from playing with black musicians who he wanted to confuse? It's up to you if you want to take that further. And yes, Time Out is very much the sort of album that a pretentious type deems 'the best of jazz'. Fourth para: I'm not sure why Dave would be the 'White Queen'. You've not portrayed him as diva-like, and White King sounds more humorous (to my mind). I think you could invent some even more amusing 'jazz-names' than Scott Pilgrim - Mordecai 'Three-Finger' is a good benchmark. The idea of jazz-off between the white guys could be made merry of furthermore. Perhaps you could include some mock-quotes from black pianists who would put Dave in his place (Perhaps some acidic Miles Davis-esque comments...) So you could make it seem like its a contest for the wooden spoon of jazz. Fifth para: So the epitome of whiteness meets the epitome of blackness! A good concept. I think you might make more of their stereotypical characters. Dave's nonchalant, abstract, almost sterile whiteness versus Grier's raunchy, slangy and in-your-face kind of attitude. I think the sordid affair you've described doesn't really add to the humour as such; they seem to get along a bit too well, if you catch my drift. Perhaps some romantic antagonism will strengthen this section.
Concept:	7	Good concepts, I think some re-jigging will bring them out. I think jazz (and its musicians) are inherently funny, and that's why I wrote an article on Miles Davis. Perhaps expanding on the establishment vibe of Brubeck, the US Administration are very keen to see him decorated (He's had Kennedy Awards, a California Hall of Fame induction by Arnie). A line you might want to take here is a kind of 'working for the man' feel - maybe some Cold War stuff even. I think there's more to it than just the whiteness (though that's an essential part of it). Another interesting fact about Brubeck was his lack of ability in reading music which lasted well into his collegiate days. Could be another source of amusement.
Prose and formatting:	8	The prose is good. I can't see much wrong with it - except "Dave Brubeck was a white person". I reckon that should be is.
Images:	7	The images are good. Dave looks a little campy with that medal, no? Perhaps some images of him with establishment figures would be good, if you take the line I've suggested. Also, if you could find a picture of him playing whilst looking at some music, there's some fairly good humour in that alone, given what I just mentioned about his sight-reading.
Miscellaneous:	7	The mean value.
Final Score:	35	A solid article. You must be into your jazz to write an article on Dave Brubeck (and Mingus?) I admire that, as a 'jazzer' myself. You've also managed to steer clear of exclusively jazz in-jokes too. But, I think the concept of Dave's whiteness can be expanded out into other things, like the Establishment and middle-class mores.
Reviewer:	--Knucmo2 00:25, February 8, 2012 (UTC)