UnPoetia:Tao Te Ching

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Tao of Pooh, Tao of Physics, Tao of Warren Buffet

Tao that is true Tao cannot be told.
Tao that not is true Tao make much money sell to Americans.
Nameless begin of heaven and earth.
Name that can be name is registered trademark of HarperCollins®, Inc. All rights reserved.
Ever desireless one sees the mystery.
Ever desiring, one get very good discount (and free shipping).
Ever with psychedelic drug, one quote Lao Tzu with organic soy veggie-bacon in mouth.
Organic soy veggie-bacon no good as real bacon.
Deep and again deep, like wife after only 2 weeks with MagicTao® brand Powders.
These two same but different.
This mystery -- Darkness.
Lao Tzu not smoke Weed, the master smoke Marlboro®.

Nature of Tao[edit]

Tao like cow on rBGH POSILAC®.
Master can milk many time.
Book in serious amounts.
He without Tao not understand success.
Tao is empty in meaning. But still earn a lot.
This is the true wisdom of Tao.
Master Lao Tzu one cleaver bastard.

Tao of Ways[edit]

Hippie quote Lao Tzu, not get job or haircut.

Foolish man see Man on Cross drive pickup.
Hippie quote Lao Tzu, not get job or haircut.
Clever man write book with "Tao" in title and Winnie the Pooh, make money drive Porsche.
Thus now you illumined, where there is Tao there is many things.
Only what is the Tao endures.

Tao of Make Million Dollar Quick[edit]

He who know Tao make million dollar.
He who know he have enough not been to mall.
He who have nothing not know secret of Pyramid Scheme.
The Sage make phone call pay three easy payments $19.95.
Tell friend about secret Tao.
Friend of Sage pay three easy payments $19.95, tell friend.
With heaven and earth, the valley flow.
The Sage earn million dollar quick.

Tao of Lose Weight[edit]

Tao is brand you can trust.

American eat much.
Worst eat many donuts, not use Master's diet.
Bad eat little.
Wisest eat donuts everyday, but look like best shape of your life with Tao.
The Sage loses weight without effort.
The more you eat, the less you weigh.
The more you exercise, the more you fat.
Only pay $19.95 plus Shipping and Handling.
You guaranteed to get more laid.
Motionless and eternity, sit on couch.
Television -- stillness, the universe, this is Tao.

Tao is Like Aquafina[edit]

The Master drink Aquafina

Tao is like water Aquafina.
There is nothing in world like Aquafina.
It flow to lowest place, not strive.
Nothing more soft than Aquafina, yet soft overcome the hard.
But not taste like tap water--also come in Berry Splash with Splenda.
Only cost 1.79$!
Therefore Lao Tzu drink Aquafina and get check for endorsement.

Tao of Pick Up Girls[edit]

Many man want get woman in bed -- this is Way of Heaven.
Wise man write book on how-to.
He who stands against Tao not get laid.
Say many mystical thing - not help much.
Stupid American teenager pretend wise Taoist get lot of ass.
Girl like hot boy with good body have big brain.
This sell very well.

Tao of War[edit]

Wise man have exit strategy.
Ill omen when weapons of mass destruction not there.
To win war, need tanks and many F-22 Raptor.
To win peace, need Tao.
Army battle of violence and hatred
Sage battle for hearts and minds - harmoniousness ever-flowing
Ruler must be like female goat, ever calmness in essence of unsharpening blade of bucket.
Win war is not win war, win war by not win war, this is Tao.
Make sure you have enough chariots, with charioteer on the left.
Wise soldier spread ideology and finish job.

Tao of Television[edit]

The Way and Its Power

The Eternal Way overcomes.
Understand is not need.
Only many explode, big guns, cool robots and hot babes.
This make lot of dough.
Wise master hire Michael Bay to shoot movie.
Kung Fu is good for ratings.
Get much audience.

Tao of Write Books Called "The Tao of ----"[edit]

The Tao is good marketing.
Sage say "Yellow is new black."
American like catchy title.
Sage show you how write book on Tao.
Make many accessible to Americans with funny plot.
One is many.

Tao of Science[edit]

The Unwise study ten thousand equation.
Think it make successful.
Student of Tao have little patience for ten thousand equation.
Wise man make excuse.
All is one.
One is all.
Learning is like sleeping -- flow ever downward like water Aquafina.
The lowest place, the lowest score, always like Tao, like empty vessel.
He who know much, understand little.
Student of Tao lazy, read easy book, no ten thousand equation.
Know the Universe.

Tao of Boredom[edit]

Wise man meditate on mountain.
Busy man busy.
Bored man write Uncyclopedia article on Tao.
The Uncarved Block is.

Fries.png Quasi-Featured Article (29 January 2008)
This article was nominated to become a featured article; however, due to several votes being devoured by a Manorians, it didn't make the cut (7/14). Don't let this happen again! For just pennies a day, you can prevent another travesty of this nature, or vote for other articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH.