UnNews:Yellow Submarine to replace Britain's Trident deterrent

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11 April 2015

This will stop the Russians!

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister David Cameron has charged that Labour Party leader Ed Miliband intends to give up Britain's Trident missile defence, instead achieving nuclear deterrence with the Yellow Submarine. Cameron claims this will be part of a deal with the Scottish National Party in the forthcoming British general election.

Cameron said this was another example of Miliband's "weirdness." He said the Yellow Submarine would offer no defence against Russia, Iran or the Rolling Stones if Britain found itself in a tricky international position.

"It would be madness to give someone like Miliband the keys to our country's future," said Cameron. "And now we know that the price the Labour Party is willing to gain power is to replace our nuclear weapons for a cartoon submarine and an old Beatles song."

Miliband laughed off Cameron's claims as "politics of the gutter," and asked for more cheese from his trusty pal, Ed 'Gromit' Balls. Balls promptly went to the gutter to fetch some, as Miliband repeated, "Number Nine, Number Nine" — shockingly unaware that, if elected Prime Minister, he would be moving next door, into №10.

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In related news, Liberal Democrat spokesman Nick Harvey said he saw no need for Trident to be patrolling the seas 24/7. He said the UK has "no known nuclear adversary," Russia, France, and North Korea/Iran being merely testy nuclear pinochle partners. He told BBC Radio 4 two submarines would provide a "perfectly meaningful deterrent", as together they would "do something" about the threat of nuclear annihilation, by showing deterrence was a high priority of Government. Three of them would enable the UK to have a "continuous at-sea deterrence", he added. "There are three seas. I have counted them."

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