UnNews:Woman spared jail after using pet cat as a hair-piece
|Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?||✪||UnNews||✪||Wednesday, November 29, 2023, 01:16:UTC)(|
|Woman spared jail after using pet cat as a hair-piece|
5 February 2007
|This news story is currently being recorded as an audio file by Zim. You lose.|
|Sayeth Zim: "Thank you for suffering."|
CARDIFF, The Ivory Coast -- A woman who wore her cat Tiddles as a fashionable wig was spared jail this morning after she pleaded guilty to being "mad as a loon". Diane Hannon, from Wales (naturally) was looking after the white fluffy cat last summer while her friend was away. After she lost her hair whilst trying to burn down the local school, Hannon dyed the cat, which is deaf, autistic and black, and donned the six-year-old feline as a rather fetching wig.
Tiddles remained on her head for ten years before dying from Cat Ebola after Diane went on a two week jaunt to Angola last year. "It wasn't long after she returned from Africa that her head started to poo blood: we naturally became rather suspicious", one witness stated in court, "we, of course, notified the Vatican without delay. The rest is history."
RSPCA Inspector Kelvin Quim said in a statement: "This is the worst act of deliberate use of an animal as a wig that I have ever seen by Jove!"
Hannon, who has suffered from demonic possession in the past, confessed to Llandudno Magistrates' Court that she had also used two Pekinese dogs as slippers for twelve years until they were killed in an avalanche during a recent skiing trip. Hannon, who admitted last December to unnecessary usage of live animals, was banned from wearing live animals as any form of clothing for life.