UnNews:Winston Churchill kidnapped
| The news outlet with approval higher than Congress | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Friday, April 19, 2024, 23:40:59 (UTC) |
| Winston Churchill kidnapped | 
|
26 August 2022
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OTTAWA, Canada -- In an attempt to re-write history, Nazi sympathisers have built a time machine in order to allow Hitler win World War II. However, things went awry when instead of kidnapping the real Winston Churchill from 1942, the time travelers instead took a painting of the Brit from a Canadian hotel.
"I was just cleaning the hallway, eh, and I look up and see a picture of Hitler, eh!" the hotel cleaner said after finding the missing Churchill painting.
After stealing the portrait, the paint-nappers replaced the now vacant wall with a picture of Adolf Hitler. Ottawa police have concluded their investigation two days in, stating "how are we, eh, supposed to stop people, eh, with a time machine, eh?" The Canadians United No Time association have also spoken out and condemned the theft saying "We have no problem with those that want to change the course of history, eh, we just want people to stop laughing at our acronym, eh."
Winston was asked for a statement on the matter, but declined due to being dead. The hotel owner has also revealed that the painting could of been stolen up to two years ago. "I barely check in, eh," he said. "But like, eh, it's just a painting, eh. And if you ask me, Churchill, Hitler, eh, they all look the same, eh. The guests don't mind, eh. Unless, eh, they're Jewish."
It is still unknown how this may effect the timeline, or even the outcome of WWII as according to historians nothing has been changed. As always, as is the custom in the world, thank you for reading and Heil Hitler!
Sources[edit]
- "Famous Winston Churchill portrait reportedly stolen from Ottawa hotel and swapped for a copy". ABC, August 26, 2022
- Leyland Cecco "Famed Churchill portrait stolen from hotel and replaced with fake". The Guardian, August 24, 2022