UnNews:Upper Peninsula declares independence
| We distort, you deride | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 02:20:59 (UTC) |
| Upper Peninsula declares independence | 
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21 April 2008
The Upper Peninsula of Michigan declared independence from Michigan, and from the United States. Many within the Lower Peninsula are outraged, though most do not know exactly where the Upper Peninsula is, in the first place.
The "Yoo Pee" declared itself a monarchy and named Bart Stupak the King. King Bart was the peninsula's only representative in the U.S. Government, but gave an angry speech and left in a huff. When asked why the Upper Peninsula broke off from the U.S., which now calls itself New Canada, King Bart replied, "Current political candidates are unacceptable to me and to the Yooper population of our proud new country." He also stated that such things as gun control and alcohol laws contributed to the Yooper outrage.
The population of New Canada, 317,258 citizens, is soon expected to increase by one. However, as of 7:00 PM, the armed forces of New Canada have moved to the Mackinaw Bridge, blocking entry into the new country.
U.S. President George W. Bush sent a strike force to reclaim the Upper Peninsula as American soil, but the strike force never made it past Detroit and is now currently MIA.
The Canadian Prime Minister has given the King of New Canada his full support, and has pledged his full military capabilities to the fledgling country, including two divisions of Mounties and six rowboats.
Other countries have also supported the separation of New Canada, including Britain, which chuckled at the irony. France has already sent the King of New Canada a cleanly pressed white flag, in case it proves useful during a future invasion.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |