UnNews:Undercover Kitten Killed in Israeli Attack

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Fake News that's honestly fake

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UnNews

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Saturday, November 23, 2024, 03:58:59 (UTC)

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12 August 2006

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Fred, the Undercover Kitten, was blown to smithereens in an Israeli attack.

NEW YORK - Fred, the Undercover Kitten who gained fame earlier this year by posing as a would-be patient to help police nab a phony veterinarian, has died in an Israeli rocket attack, authorities said today.

The 15-month-old tabby was killed when he wandered into Beirut traffic and was hit by an exploding rocket, according to the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office. The kitten was in Beirut as a reward for his outstanding work with the Brookly Police Department.

Fred was a rescued stray when he was enlisted by law enforcement in February. An undercover investigator posing as Fred's owner summoned the suspect to an apartment rigged with a hidden camera and pretended the kitten, selected because of his oversized balls, needed to be neutered. The man was arrested as he left carrying Fred in a box and cash for the operation.

Fred got his due at a news conference, where he sported a tiny badge on his collar.

"He's pretty fuckin easygoing, a real fuckin Brooklyn guy, know what I mean?" his caretaker, prosecutor Brenda Moran, said at the time.

Fred received a Law Enforcement Appreciation Award and was honored at an adopt-a-thon benefit hosted by Mary Tyler Moore and Bernadette Peters. He had been "preparing for a new career in law enforcement," with a "significant role" in nailing would-be terrorists hiding explosives in their douche bottles.

Fred jumped out of Moran's hotel window into Beirut traffic Wednesday while Moran was attending to two dogs, now suspected of being stooges for the Hezbollah.

"He had to have seen that fuckin thing comin," Moran said. "And then, ka-blam!" Rescue workers found tiny bits of blackened fur and Fred's little "Special Police" badge in a large crater later that morning.