UnNews:UK teens face abortion limits

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18 May 2008

LONDON, United Kingdom -- A bitter row has broken out in the UK over a new bill which, if passed through Parliament (government, not the funk collective), will cut abortionists' working days from four down to two. The bill also includes legislation limiting the permitted abortions to just twelve a month, down from twenty. In introducing the bill to the House, the Prime Minister was quoted as saying;

“I think this new legislation will see a dramatic decrease in the number of reported and unwanted pregnancies in this country.”

~ PM Gordon "All Aboard The Jolly Roger" Brown on the new bill

When asked about the increasing number of unreported and unwanted pregnancies, the PM began emitting steam and shaking his head violently, screaming about an error code, before the House's IT department arrived to "re-tighten a few bolts".

The Goverment's opinion is not without the facts to back them up. In a study undertaken by the British Pregnancy Advisory Board, the number of women seeking abortions per year has risen 3%, up to nearly 200,000, of which nearly 88% are actually pregnant. The number of men seeking abortions in 2008 has also risen.

The study also gives an example of the level at which abortions are being given out. Last year in Hull, a small town located near the 7th circle of Hell, or Leeds, over a thousand women had their pregnancies terminated. The study points out that only 436 women live in Hull. This most likely means that the babies of the women who elect to have their babies terminated are in fact themselves pregnant, and have elected to have their unborns aborted as well. However, the study also points out that the possibility of the unborn babies of the unborn babies of the women being pregnant themselves, is "just preposterous".


The bill has been met with disapproval from the opposition, who claim that the bill is;

“...yet more of the same nannying we have come to expect from this Government. We believe that women, whether they are 14 or 40, deserve to have abortions when and where they want. This bill not only limits the working rights of OB/GYNs, but the rights of young teenage women to, for want of another word, set up shop.”

~ The Conservatives on not just disagreeing for the sake of being difficult, like a stroppy teenager whose mother won't allow her to buy Heat

The Government has countered this, by claiming that the Conservatives have been watching too much SpongeBob SquarePants, and that "Opposite Day" is not celebrated in the United Kingdom. The Liberal Democrats commented on th issue by saying "We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender."

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