UnNews:Terrorist Mastermind "Lives freely in England"

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Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out

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UnNews

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Thursday, November 21, 2024, 19:48:59 (UTC)

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1 May 2007

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DON'T TOUCH yourself Bond!

LONDINIUM, Brittania -- A terrorist mastermind known only as "Q" was revealed to be living freely in England last night, right under the noses of Military Intelligence. Counter-terrorism chiefs have refused to discuss the man, codenamed "Q", who is thought to be involved in all manner of dastardly plots and deeds including one which involves creating a giant volcano in Luton.

Leaked documents reveal that "Q" was once even employed by MI6 as a "Quartermaster", making all manner of clever gizmos and gadgets for its agents. One unnamed MI6 source remembers "Q" with some regret, "so he's a terrorist mastermind is he? Oh well that is a shame. I'll have to see if I can think up some elaborate "Q" based pun when I eventually catch up with him in his underground lair and kill him, or something."

Questions will be asked as further details of "Q"s involvement in international terrorism emerged this morning. For example it has emerged that one such plan involved creating a giant volcano in Basingstoke town centre!

When Unnews correspondent Dirk Dickwad caught up with "Q" last night the terrorist mastermind was unsurprisingly reticent in responding to these allegations, "pull my finger, go on pull it!" he asked our reporter.

On rather foolishly pulling Qs finger Dirk was tragically maimed by an ultrasonic weapon concealed next to Qs rightmost nipple. Doctors fear the acclaimed journalist may never dance again.

In a statement released this afternoon an unrepentant Q denies his links to international terrorism, "and I also refute the scandalous accusation that I am constructing a giant volcano just north of Swindon."

"And try not to destroy my magic car this time Bond" he added randomly.

Sources

• BBC ""Death to America by jove!"". BBC, May 01, 2007