UnNews:Stuffed Bear Dies From Honey-Pot Suffocation

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13 June 2006

HUNDRED ACRE WOOD England -- Longtime Wood resident, Winnie the Pooh (4), died of suffocation late Monday evening as a result of getting his head stuck in a honey pot. Pooh, a known honey addict, had gotten his head stuck several times in the past, but apparently no one was around this time to pull his head out.

The body was discovered early Tuesday morning near Six Pine Trees by Pooh's associate, Rabbit. An autopsy revealed honey-filled lungs, and broken claws which matched bloody marks on his neck made as he frantically tried to claw his head from the pot.

News of Pooh's death has shocked Hundred Acre Wood. Many residents are calling for stricter regulation of open honey pots, which are readily available to all.

Pooh's closest friend, Christopher Robin, immediately went into seculsion and was unavailable for comment, but issued a statement saying that Pooh was a "great heart, now stilled," and thanking others for their kind words received at this most difficult time. Other Wood residents, including Owl, Tigger, Kanga and Roo, were expected to attend a candlelight ceremony this Saturday.

Eeyore was quoted as saying that he expected something like this to happen, and that, "life is a series of horrors, destined to end badly."

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