UnNews:Scientists find rain is "not sharp" in new study

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We have met the enemy, and he is us

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UnNews

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Saturday, April 20, 2024, 10:26:59 (UTC)

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4 July 2010

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews member.

BOLTON, England -- Scientists finished a six-month long study Tuesday which attempted to document the effects of rain on soft objects such as plasticine.

The study followed claims made by Bolton resident, Reginald Peters that whenever it rained, holes were being made on the top of his head. "Holes are being made on the top of my head whenever it rains" he said in an interview with the BBC four months ago, "It's quite bothersome."

We interviewed Dr. Bradshaw, the lead researcher, probing the results of his study. "No," he told us, "There has been no such study. That is a complete fabrication. Mr. Peters is a senile old man and a court case is under way to shut him up. It's becoming something of a worry when so many news sources don't bother to check his claims before reporting them".

While Dr. Bradshaw was apprehensive to tell us the details of his study, Mr. Peters was able to point us in the direction of a junior scientist on Bradshaw's team, Russell Clarke. "I don't know a Dr. Bradshaw," Clarke lied, "I don't really know what you're talking about. Are you asking if rain is sharp? I don't understand. I mean, of course rain isn't sharp."

The study is yet to be published, but predictions are being made of the implications of its findings. Fox News has said that "rain will no longer be a problem for today's citizens. In the near future, we could be seeing umbrellas made of anything from plasticine to paper."