UnNews:Sacred Bull bites back

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Where man always bites dog UnNews Tuesday, November 5, 2024, 04:21:59 (UTC)

Sacred Bull bites back UnNews Logo Potato.png

13 July 2007


Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.

LONDON, England (AP) -- Those caring for him at a Hindu monastery in Wales say he symbolizes the sanctity of all life and is an inspiration to temple-goers. Top executives in the porn industry say he could have a stellar career and should go down on Jenna Jameson, and possibly Tony Blair (if he is that way inclined).

Shambo, the aspirant porn movie star

Now the fate of Shambo the sacred bull is in the hands of Welsh justice.

The 6-year-old Friesian bull passed a screen test with "flying colors" in April. Under British law, animals to be used in pornographic films must be revered.

But Shambo's caretakers at Skanda Vale Hindu monastery near Carmarthen, in southwest Wales -- backed by worldwide supporters -- say Shambo is not interested and have been fighting to save him from a "fate worse than death".

Shambo performing in his screen test for the upcumming gay porn movie "Bull in a China Cowboy"

The temple brought its case before the Cardiff Civil Justice Center on Thursday, arguing that their religious rights were being violated. Judge Gary Hickinbottom said he would rule on Shambo's case on Monday.

"Both sides put across very strong arguments," said Sanjay Mistry, a spokesman for the Hindu Forum of Britain, one of the groups lobbying to protect Shambo. "I think the judge acknowledged that he's got a difficult decision to make, and we're hopeful that he'll cum on our side."

After receiving notice in early May that pornographic moviemakers intended to have Shambo elevated to "superstud" status, the bull was isolated in a hay-filled shrine in the monastery's main temple. An Internet petition was launched and the temple created a blog listing Shambo's daily thoughts, paired with a live Web cam dubbed "Moo Tube."

Hindus revere many animals as sacred, but cattle have always had a special place. They remain a powerful symbol of the religion, and many are adopted by or donated to temples. Shambo is the one and only bull in a herd of "contented" cows at a 115-acre estate belonging to the monastery, also known as the Community of the Many Names of God.

The monastery has fiercely defended the animal, arguing that the screen test was inconclusive, and that, even if Shambo were porn star material, he could be a danger to his co-stars, especially in the gay porn industry, where the potential for nasty bite wounds is well known.

The Welsh rural development minister, Jane Davidson, said she was "acutely aware" of the distress this issue has caused in the Hindu community, but said she had personal experience of the prowess of the bull, and that he "gave good head".

Shambo is not averse to portraying anal sex for the camera

She argued that the screen tests were accurate in 99.9 percent of all cases, and that even apathetic-looking cattle might be star material.

"I have ... considered extremely carefully whether the rights of the community to manifest their religion should override the duty on me to promote Wales and improve foreign currency earnings," she said in a wordy and stilted letter to the Welsh Assembly last month. "In the light of the artistic, commercial, and legal assessments, I am minded to conclude that they should not."

The monastery said in a Web statement that its members would be "willing to defend his sexuality with our own."

Mistry said the statement was meant to express Hindu belief, adding that any protests would be nonviolent, and might include "light bondage".

Another Hindu leader urged understanding on both sides.

"If there is good evidence of a genuine case of stardom which is then a tittilation to others ... then you have to let go," said Anil Bhanot, the General Secretary of Hindu Council UK. "It is the body that is performing the sexual act, not the atma (soul) -- that is not capable of a useful erection."

Sources[edit]