UnNews:Royals flock to King Charles's coronation

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7 May 2023

King Charles III waves to a fan.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- The coronation of King Charles III brought happy British pawns and playing cards out to wave their flags in the rain. In front of an invited audience of other court cards and major chess pieces, King Charles III was crowned King of the World and Great Britain.

Some of the royal guests.

Charles had spent 70 years as the Jack of Diamonds and Gold Braid until the Great White Queen died last September. With his second wife Camilla, the Queen of Ciggie Butts, at his royal side, Charles acknowledged the cheers of his fellow monarchs and rulers.

"I am glad you could all make it," said Charles, waving his orb and sceptre. "This is what I was born to do. God Save Me! It's everyone back to Buck House for a knees-up."

The elderly monarch has chosen to govern as "D.G. Rex Carolus". However, the throng of greeters did not commence to carolling in King Rex's honour. One merrie reveler did sing one refrain of, "He's Not My King", but he was hauled off for questioning in one of the city's historic dungeons.

King Charles III and Queen Camilla.

The guests included Prince Harry the Black Sheep of Windsor, Prince Andrew the Knave of York, Mickey the Mouse of Disney and various hobbits.

Not represented were the Blood Red Tsar of Russia and an Emperor without any clothes. U.S. President Joe Biden also turned up missing, as he had called a "lid" on media availability at mid-morning. However, he sent his wife, "Dr." Jill, in case the new monarch should need defibrillating or something.

China was represented by a corrections official from its embattled Uyghur Province. The King has stated that joining China's Belt and Road Project might be a "brilliant" way to unclog London's orbital M25 Motorway.