UnNews:Premium seating offered for Ferguson riots

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:15:59 (UTC)
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19 November 2014

The qualifiers, which occurred just after the senseless shooting, whetted the public's appetite for the championship round.

FERGUSON, Missouri -- Organizers have opened bidding on premium seating for next week's Ferguson riots.

Although the date and time will depend on the timing of the decision that Officer Darren Wilson's shooting of unarmed black child Michael "Gentle Giant" Brown was self-defense, promoters are catering to a crowd anxious for entertainment. Johnetta Elzie, a protester who has demanded Wilson's arrest, said "We are living day to day waiting on this announcement."

"It is a low-trust environment," she instructed.

Mayor James Knowles III has said he is preparing for "all worst-case scenarios" and has spent more than $100,000 stocking up for the big event. Missouri governor Jay Nixon announced a state of emergency Monday, whetting the public's appetite for a world-class civil disturbance.

Protest impresario B.H. Obama told co-organizer Al Sharpton on November 5 he wanted him to keep the protests in Ferguson "on course." A White House aide told Politico that Mr. Sharpton "has credibility in the community....There's really no one else out there who does what he does," such as refer to white folks as interlopers.

The grand jury is about to report on why, after the coked-up 290-pounder interrupted his robbery spree to Speak Truth to Police, the shocking and unprovoked white-on-black murder occurred. Riot organizers note that the young black man was unarmed, as his attempt to wrestle Officer Wilson's gun away from him had not yet succeeded. Mr. Obama stated that white-on-black violence remains an intractable problem, as notorious cases continue to occur every couple years or so in this nation of 310,000,000 people.

"We're selling everything that's not nailed down," said Steven King, owner of Metro Shooting Supplies, a gun store convenient to the airport for spectators arriving from out-of-state. "Prepare yourself and get ready for the worst." Satisfied customer Dave Benne said, "Everyone else has one, I figured I'd better too." The St. Louis County Police Department reports that concealed-carry permits are "flying off the shelves."

School superintendents have asked Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch to announce the grand jury's finding after 5 p.m., to ensure that any spontaneous disturbances occur in television "prime time" for his pupils' benefit. CNN will reuse graphics from the 2014 elections, so the mayhem's theme will be: You Decide: 2014. The Don't Shoot Coalition asked McCulloch for 36 hours' notice before the decision, and issued proposed "rules of engagement" for the extremely unlikely case that the confrontation turns violent, including a demand that police use a minimum of defensive gear. Co-chair Michael McPhearson said use of "menacing" equipment like bulletproof vests would fuel more anger and violence. He said that rioters deserve a non-threatening work environment.

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