UnNews:Pollsters unexpectedly accurate in P.E.I.

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Fake News that's honestly fake

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 01:31:59 (UTC)

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17 June 2014

Tucker, after Larry knocked on his door (of his half-ton). Tucker was asleep in the pool out back. Tucker's actual response has been tempered in case there are ladies and children present.

BREDALBANE, Prince Edward Island -- Election results for the Reeve of the Hamlet of Bredalbane (population 60) turned out exactly as polls predicted. Tucker McGunphy, the heavy favourite, won the election, obtaining a majority and in fact 20 of the 35 eligible votes, and was elected the Reeve of the Hamlet.

"Yup... we had to wake up ol' Tucker", said assistant Reeve Larry McGunphy, Tucker's second cousin. "Knocked loud on the door, told him he won. He was cheesed off that we had to wake him up for that." As winner of the election, he now occupies the Reeves' office, comprising the former men's room and broom closet near the back entrance of Mac's Variety and Dry Goods Store on Grafton Street. Problem is, he must now go to the neighbouring gas station to use the men's room.

These election results come as a shock to most journalists, who have become accustomed to a regular drumbeat of elections not going as polls predicted. From Scott Walker's victory to Eric Cantor's defeat, to the premiers in Ontario and British Columbia, and the Prime Minister of India, we have become dependent on polls to help us predict how elections were not going to turn out. Polls turning out correctly will now hamper news gathering and foul up predictions from pundits, who have become accustomed to predict the opposite of what polls say.

Wolf Blitzer, incredulous that rednecks can do better math than journalists

CNN's Wolf Blitzer was so shocked at the correct counting of the polls that he sent a team of reporters to Breadalbane to try and explain how the prediction turned out so correct, and devoted an entire episode of The Situation Room to the theoretical possibility that polls can reliably predict outcomes, at least some of the time. Larry stated, "It turns out that 22 folks turned up for the local square dance and weenie roast a couple weeks ago. Before the dance started, we asked for a show o' hands as to who you'd vote for. Now my daughter Martha, who just finished her grade 12 with flying colours told me that 22 was just enough for a scientific sample. I tell ya, my daughter is ready to go places. So anyway, that's how we knew." Truly, a statistical marvel.

Sources

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.