UnNews:Other things besides election happen
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 13:59:59 (UTC) |
| Other things besides election happen | 
|
8 November 2008
WORLD -- Reports from across the world indicate the presence of other things happening in other places despite the recent election of Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) as President of the United States. This remarkable accomplishment and milestone for racial relations coincides with something going on in one of those other countries that also has news.
Early reports indicate the occurrence of an event in which at least two people participated in an area where others noticed and recorded the event's progression and eventual aftermath. A news agency hesitantly confirmed that the event's results may have affected the two or more people involved. Witnesses claim to have heard and/or seen the event from a distance away from its origin, indicating a level of magnitude.
"It happened at a location in a way in which I could observe it," a local person reported. "The people in the event performed actions which resulted in other events and reactions occurring in succession. I still cannot believe my respective sensory organs!"
The person continued, "I am so proud that America has finally embraced hope and change by electing a black man President of the United States. Barack Obama symbolizes sweeping reform for America's standing abroad and its political doctrine. I will remember this day as long as I live."
Situations continue to occur elsewhere in a similar or different manner to the previously-described circumstance. In another country, people responded to another person's decisions and the resulting consequences. This country's leader commented on the event, likening it to similar happenings during previous historical periods and mentioning the possibility of the government responding to these actions in a timely and appropriate fashion.
"These events created a clear cause-and-effect relationship with their results," they began. "We have noticed this and continue to observe the event and its ramifications. The government of this nation shall deal with the matters that emerged as a result of earlier actions in a manner that directly repairs or amplifies its products at a time that is neither immediate nor distant."
The national leader then praised Barack Obama for his success: "You have proven to all of us the relevance of the American dream. Your victory serves as inspiration to the entire world's underprivileged and needy. God bless you and godspeed."
American citizens express deep concern over the things happening in other places. "I never thought I would see a black man become president in my lifetime," said an American individual. "Truly we have elected the first post-racial candidate. Yes we can!"
President-elect Barack Obama has not commented on the stuff going on in these places.
UnNews will continue following the unfolding occurrences and happenings in these various other areas as they progress and eventually reach a conclusion, at which point a retrospective analysis will follow.
Sources[edit]
- Reporter "Other stuff unfolds". National Media, Month Day, Year