UnNews:Obama : "Then again, maybe we can't after all"

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We distort, you deride

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UnNews

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Sunday, December 22, 2024, 07:16:59 (UTC)

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1 May 2009
Washington, DC President Obama stunned the nation today, by stating that his campaign promise of "Yes we can" may have been overly optimistic.

Obama, immediately after finding out that history had other plans for his administration

"Look, when that promise of being able to transform party politics and get the people's work done was made, we weren't facing the threat of pandemic diseases incubated in Mexican pigs, an economy that has fallen and can't get up, and an auto industry that is in slow motion collapse. I never said Yes We Can to that. I have no idea how to fix these problems. I was elected to end the war and socialize everything that wasn't nailed down. I didn't sign up for pig diseases and the economy collapsing on me."

Obama then paused for emphasis and gave the crowd a glance that made it look like he was looking at all of them, and understood all of their problems and cared.

"Uh, ok, let's have some questions."

"Mr. President, between pig diseases, the economy, and the fact that the entire US car industry will soon be owned by two guys in Belgium, are we totally fucked now?"

"Yes. Anybody else"

There were no other questions.

Republican response to the impromptu speech would have been triumphant, had all of these problems except for the pig disease thing not have been their fault.

"Look," said President George W. Bush from retirement in Six Flags over Texas, "we did bugger the economy into a coma, invade a country for no reason and generally let a bunch of neo cons and Jesus freaks run things for eight years. But at least we never admitted we didn't know what we were doing. We just figured everyone already realized that and were just voting for us for the free money and wedge issues. You know, we would have won if it wasn't for that Palin thing. So there."