UnNews:Newsroom/Archive01

Original Page

Welcome to the Newsroom. This is like the Village Dump, but for UnNews.

• Comments, queries, and suggestions for UnNews at large can be added to this article. Click here to start a new topic.

• Comments that pertain to a single UnNews article should be added to the Discussion (Talk) page of that article.

Breaking News

It strikes me, at least after my article received a Breaking News Update, that UnNews should probably have a template in existence for that. Something simple, but something that can be the standard for any updates after a story first "breaks". Alternately, is there a convention for updates? Any thoughts anyone? --epynephrin 21:07, 10 May 2006 (UTC)

Bylines

Please don't include bylines in your articles. This being a wiki there's no need.

This has just been added to the UnNews Style Guide (at Section 4.3). Spıke Ѧ 02:13 16-Mar-10

Letters to The Editors

Dear Sirs, Madams, Madames, Pimps, et al. Since anyone can edit UnNews, this is a letter to you all. Letters to the editor here are just like letters to editor anywhere else, or even better because other editors sometimes don't publish letters that they can't understand because of their readers' higher levels of learning. At UnNews, we realise that that higher levels of learning can only be prevented through reading UnNews itself, or even better, through writing it. Therefore this is really a letter to myself to congratulate myself on being able to get a letter published here. Well done UnNews! Aren't we brilliant! Yours, 192.168.0.8

PS Ever thought of starting an UnNews Educational Supplement (for the uneducated, obviously). If you did, I think there is plenty of scope for people to unlearn some of the truths that they may have unearthed during their lives and replace them with pure ignorance. After all, ignorance is bliss, as you say.

Call it Unversity! Seahen 17:26, 5 February 2006 (UTC)

Archived after March 15, 2010

The following discussions originated on zims talk page, User talk:Zim ulator.

UnNews technical discussion

Zim, it is often the case in tech-writing that the quickest way to get to the truth is to purport to write it down. In rewriting the UnAudio instructions today, I did make one flagrant guess: that uploadable files could conceivably be something other than MP3, such as OGG. Should this possibility stand, or should I strike it in the interest of mandating consistency? Spıke Ѧ  01:29 17-Feb-10

This was discussed a while back, and the decision was to go with mp3 format exclusively for convenience. Thanks for checking with me. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:47, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

I appreciate the clarity--I'll fix it now. Spıke Ѧ  01:57 17-Feb-10

A final annoying question for today. {{FrontPageMediaMenuBeta}}, which I am now invoking from UnNews:UnNewsAudio, contains the section head UnRadio (a term I don't see used elsewhere). This results in a head inside a head in UnNews:UnNewsAudio. Could the section head be removed from the template and added to the UnNews front page? Does anything else break? Who should do this edit? Spıke Ѧ  03:49 17-Feb-10

Not annoying in the least, Spike. As for the term UnRadio, honestly, I'd never bothered to do a thorough check of our code, although I've been wanting to for a while now. Based on what you've written, I can see you probably understand wiki code much better than I do. I hereby officially declare you as an class which may access any and all UnNews related code to do with as you will. I appreciate you're consulting me, since I am, of course, the most important and powerful UnNews deity <cough>. You, sir, have my blessings. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:02, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I've reworded the section heading inside {{FrontPageMediaMenuBeta}}. Rather than pulling it out of there, I've knocked down by one the level of every section head in UnNews:UnNewsAudio, noting the same in a comment at the start, so that the embedded section heading will be a "top-level" heading on the Audio front page.

But you failed to answer one of my questions: What else breaks? There are a lot of pages under "What links here" whose function I don't know.

Next good thing to do: Create a copy of the above template with a more reasonable name. Spıke Ѧ  16:33 17-Feb-10

Jeezus! after lunch I'm going to have to stop hacking and go back to articles--someone here has got to write an UnNews that's based on the news!!! Spıke Ѧ  16:51 17-Feb-10

As to what else breaks, in truth, I don't know. Almost all this code was in place before my time, and many changes have been made without my knowledge. I can help but very little here. As to your exclamation of, "Jeezus", I cannot help but wonder if my last "article" prompted that. If so, I am honored. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:08, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

All of the above is now done. Yes, I did go into the history and saw who wrote that last one. Spıke Ѧ  18:53 17-Feb-10

And another thing. I've been referred to Spang (User talk:Spang Section 10) to ask the question whether there is a way that the UnNews Main Page displays section numbers (as in "13 Start a new article") which in no case help things. Surely you've been through this and have found there is no way out? And another thing: I just noticed that the UnNews Main Page is calling for headlines to be rendered in Georgia font. I don't have it, I don't like what it's producing here, and the headlines have no element tag for which I can write a local override. (Though I don't dislike it so much that I ever noticed it before.) Spıke Ѧ  03:38 18-Feb-10

At this point, I have to say I have neither the time nor the inclination to deal with such matters myself. Real life is currently imposing limits on how many different kinds of things I can think about right now, and I must decline to get involved for now. All I can advise is, as long as you don't fuck things up for other users, you'll probably be on safe ground, and do consult other admin-types who know far more about Wikia than I. Cheers, thanks for your interest and writing, and good luck! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 05:43, February 18, 2010 (UTC)

Okay! enough technical talk! Today's first UnNews release (from Shittown) is of unusually low quality; moreover, Funnybony has just asked me to proof a release that is likewise unrelated to the day's events. If this trend continues for another day, that itself will make a winning topic for an UnNews article. Spıke Ѧ  14:01 18-Feb-10

UnNews:UnNews bureau ignores the news

Your edit reinforced my subtle poke to my fellow reporters (though making it unsubtle) to write articles that have some small relation to reality, as opposed to just using UnNews as a repository for goofy ideas that takes less effort than turning them into a full article. The article, of course, is an example of the problem it cites. But, to date, it isn't working. Three articles in a row about goofy, made-up lawsuits! Spıke Ѧ  13:42 21-Feb-10

But look at the great article on the death of Alexander Haig. I really like that one (not the death, well, that too, but the article). OK, popped in here for a quick comment, on my way, shoo. Aleister in Chains a few minutes later

Great, but completely off the wall! Any eulogy of Haig should have mentioned his defining moment, right after the Reagan assassination attempt, where he said, "Constitutionally, I am in charge here," totally reassuring even though Constitutionally untrue. Surely laid the groundwork for the last two Presidents to use the 222-year-old document as toilet paper while claiming to be faithful to their vow! Spıke Ѧ  13:54 21-Feb-10

True, all you said. He could have had Sid Haig, when a movie director hurt himself, say "I'm in charge here, at the movie set" or something. OK, within a few day I'll do a timely news article about something. And thanks again for the tip on the edit-section, makes it much easier. And Zim, thanks for the use of the talk space, rent check in the mail. Al

Well, that's the key: straddle reality and your chosen misconception of it, not leave reality altogether; make the connection. Spıke Ѧ  14:24 21-Feb-10

Happy to host this discussion in my talk space, fellow travelers. I just want to step in and make a comment about UnNews stories and what they "should be". True, I have an idea that the original guys who put UnNews together may have had a vision of something like "The Onion" or maybe "The Daily Show", and whatever passes for quality faux journalism humor in other parts of the world. I am in complete support for that level and style of writing, and would love to have more of it.

Having said that, I myself am incapable of creating such. Most of my process happens when I see a funny pic and try to attach meaning to it, letting my subconscious processes bubble until the finished product (or dreck, if you prefer) surfaces. I used to talk about these things at work, but found it isolated me as a bull goose loony. I love the way Uncyclopedia encourages many types of humor, and feel pretty good that I've found a niche for my weird ideas.

Which brings me to what UnNews "should be". It's the way it is now because of contributions. I've certainly carved out a space for crazies like me because, face it, I am like me too. The reason there's so much of it is mostly because I put in the most time here. I try to write an article every day, do comics, rotate headlines, edit stories, do audios, and other stuff. Spike and AI, among others, do tons of stuff too, and the more you do, the more your fingerprints end up all over UnNews, the more it begins to look like something else.

In fact, you two and some others have brought about some changes since you've become active in UnNews, and I think they're all great. Please do keep it up. It's sort of like communism, only worse. In short, I'm having fun, and I hope everyone else is too. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:10, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

I hope that, by Communism, you mean the "Let a thousand flowers bloom" thing. And not the forced re-education camps. Spıke Ѧ  18:46 21-Feb-10

Sorry, I was thinking along the lines of pulling a Pol Pot. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:26, February 21, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  21:04, Feb 28

New address for Spike

There is a new page, User:SPIKE/UnNews, which will hold a log of my contributions and serve as a talk page for UnNews-related stuff. If you're like me and minimize false alerts by Unwatching pages, you might nevertheless Watch this page, as it will relate to UnNews. Spıke Ѧ  20:38 2-Mar-10

Very cool. Thanks for the heads up. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 20:40, March 2, 2010 (UTC)

Zim, I'd like a second opinion (and not just to hump my article)--Today's dispatch on Senator Bunning luckily matches the lead story on the evening news, but is it funny enough to people who don't follow the Washington play-by-play to merit an audio? Spıke Ѧ  00:15 3-Mar-10

Definitely, do it! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:44, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Audio in! Zana has a truly remarkable one as well. Now, I need something else from you: All my audios have used 22K monaural instead of the usual 44K stereo. This one also skimps on encoding (which, in view of the above, shouldn't matter) to produce a file that's 25% smaller. Do you notice a drop-off in audio quality between tonight's file and previous ones? Spıke Ѧ  02:16 3-Mar-10

Yeah, Zana did a truly twisted audio. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to upload to podcast due to web site difficulties. As for your question, no, I noticed no difference in quality, and I admire your attention to file size. I admit, it took me a while to become as considerate here. One caveat, though. I don't have great headphones or speakers, so as far as I can tell, the audio quality is fine. Cheers, and congrats on your awards! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 10:27, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! Mordillo already gave me my Manny, but I moved it to User:SPIKE/UnNews, now pointed to by the microphone in my signature. I won't be alone at UnNews Audio this month (and POTR wrote in the talk page of the Zombies-lawsuit item that he has dibs on Audio) but I don't plan to let up. You are tireless at motivating your creative staff.

Am pleased that the smaller files don't sound worse. I couldn't tell the difference, but my equipment (electronic + biological) is not First Quality. As I say on my UnNews page, when you create an MP3, you specify the "bit rate"--You are thereby dictating how big the file should be. Through February, I used a conventional file size (128 Kbps) but had only voice-quality information, so much of the file would either be unused or be holding information unlikely to be audible. 96 Kbps is as low as I can go with my software, but even 64 should give the same apparent quality. Spıke Ѧ 13:05 3-Mar-10

PS--User:SPIKE/UnNews now also contains recommendations on audio settings and a brief tutorial on WAV versus MP3, and is linked to for optional guidance from UnNews:UnNewsAudio.

section deleted

UnNews style

• I would like to hack up HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article in a number of ways. I will be careful, but the effort risks inserting too much of my opinion (some of which differs from that of many other writers, though in some cases they would write higher-quality stuff if they took a hint), and it risks making it sound as though things that are merely my opinion are official UnNews policy. I'll start in userspace; please offer any suggestions you have. Spıke Ѧ 00:20 8-Mar-10

Very cool. I'll read this more closely later, thanks. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:22, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Just about done; in User:SPIKE/UnNews style. For example, your style rule for boldfacing of institutions and italicizing of quotations had never been documented before. Dedicated to a certain user who has just violated both old and new guidelines with two new articles pulled from a bodily orifice tonight. I shall return to my posture of despair. Spıke Ѧ 02:29 8-Mar-10

Marked up today. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 11:49, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

In detail! Thank you for the extensive remarks, which I'll work into the text.

Some of your praise (for the tenets of journalism, for the example of a bad made-up news title), and some of your criticism (for the restrictions against racism/sexism/bias/inside jokes/memes) come from the original version. You've noted that the UnNews Founding Fathers had a concept similar to mine, but maybe you didn't know that they mandated it in writing.

Yes the founders did seem to share your ideas about this, for the most part. However, we are the current Cabal (which does not exist) running UnNews; many if not all of the original UnNews types are have been scarce for some time now. When I came aboard, UnNews was pretty much shit, barely maintained. I became Editor-in-chief by default (not officially, but I love to call myself that. I guess it worked out that way because I put the most time and effort into it then); with some consultation, help, and suggestions from other users, things became as they are. Now, with your help, it's getting much better. I will stick to my guns about non- and barely- reality-based articles. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I'll change my version to reflect UnNews reality, but we may have a disagreement. If you buy that an article submitted for the sole purpose of ridiculing Nancy Pelosi would be inappropriate, then why not also an UnNews editorial "written in the voice of Nancy Pelosi" for the overt purpose of ridiculing her?

To clarify, there's a difference between me writing an article pushing my agenda, and me the bogus reporter, fictitiously pushing his an agenda. I've gone so far as to paste parts of Conservapedia articles into UnNews, and "agreed" with the silly stuff they believe as my subject matter. Those guys are hilarious. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I have a problem with UnNews editorials in the first place; I think alternate points-of-view should be avoided unless essential to a very good gag, more so than Uncyclopedia at large, for the same reason that we have a tighter style guide in UnNews. Spıke Ѧ 12:49 8-Mar-10

The point-counterpoint presentations of UnEditorials haven't been so good in general. I think that's because it's more difficult to do decently. As for others, UnEditorials are pretty unrestricted compared to UnNews articles. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I'm almost done with this. Your comments have led to several new sections: (1) An initial note on "Ignorable policy" describing what the page is and isn't; (2) A new section on UnNews editorials, noting what typography to use to flag them as such; (3) A new section on Quality Control, gathering together material on spell-checking and red-links and stating the rule not to do development in mainspace.

This is excellent. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

On two comments I haven't incorporated, the problem is that I don't agree. I don't think we want an anti-Semitic rant, even from an alternate-point-of-view, nor a rant on Obama, even if supposedly written by Glenn Beck. I had a problem with one of yours (on Stupak) and said so as a comment on VFH. The key problem with this stuff is that it's too hard to tell from the real thing--There are people out there who rant and mean it. Likewise on memes and inside jokes, I disagree. Naming Uncyclopedia users is obsequy and is not generally funny.

The Stupak article was inspired by the Daily Show, actually. They gave him a similar trouncing. As for being hard to distinguish from real news, that's not necessarily bad. In fact, many times, it's a complement to the writer. Memes and inside jokes, I think, should be very rare, but there have been some examples of this being funny (I can't recall them just now, but I remember they exist... I swear!). Naming Uncyclopedia users should be rarer than the use of memes. Most times I've seen it used, it's something like this: "Some editors are miserable douche bags..."

I have a fallback position, too: You may insist that these things can make for valid UnNews articles, and yet agree with me that we ought not clear the way for them in an article that serves as a guide to new authors. Spıke Ѧ 15:49 8-Mar-10

I don't quite understand this part. What to you mean by "we ought not clear the way for them" Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

You, sir, rock. I'll digest this latest outpouring of sediment as time permits. Thanks for your hard work, dude. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:03, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for this. It's making me think about and reevaluate UnNews and what I think it is. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:24, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

That "we ought not clear the way for them"

I meant that, where my Style draft said Thou ought not rant, and you can think of a few good UnNews rants you have seen (or written) (and one you almost instigated me into doing), it might still be a good idea to have the final Style draft say Thou ought not rant, on the basis that a new user reading the Style Guide is likely not to do it very well if he tries.

Gotcha. How about this? Go with your general idea of "Thou (mostly) ought not rant, on the basis that a new user reading the Style Guide is likely not to do it very well if he tries". Also work in a stern warning that inexperienced users should submit their rant-like work to UnNews staff for acceptance or rejection before posting to UnNews, or risk... what? Maybe scolding, a short ban, a long ban for repeat offenders? I'm not sure how to phrase it, but you may come up with something..

Maybe Pee Review could work as another source for editing, but I'm still thinking about that... Pee isn't necessarily UnNews oriented. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:39, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

Mordillo had a satisfactory rebuttal on his issue of red-links (with which you already concurred), that a strong prohibition against red-links might lead new users to go around rooting them out, even in the rare case where they had a valid purpose. Spıke Ѧ 19:12 8-Mar-10

I concur with the both of you psychos dudes. Well phrased, Spike. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:39, March 8, 2010 (UTC)

I swear that I didn't embark on this effort as a way to crack the whip on those God-damned, er, I mean on my esteemed UnNews colleagues. I write instruction manuals for a living and this has been a pleasant exercise. Contemplating punishment for violators is way outside the scope, nor did I intend to suggest that you need a different level of discipline in order to run the place.

A formal Pee Review for UnNews is a solution in search of a problem. Formal review stages are at odds with getting even a mediocre story out while it's still (Un) news.

With the final addition of "run it by someone in charge" at your suggestion, I'm done. Your and Mordillo's comments are removed from the article and incorporated into its text. Spıke Ѧ 20:41 8-Mar-10

I made one minor change in sources section about the use (hopefully rare) of the {{Original}} template. Reword if too obfuscatory, please. Brilliant work! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Kept; recoded with {{tl}}; moved to Sections 3.2 and 3.3; one joke added to the end of 3.2. Thanks for the addition; material on {{Original}} was missing from everywhere. You say on its talk page you are acquiring a taste for editing instruction manuals? Have you checked out my technical tips for UnNews Audio anchormen? Spıke Ѧ 01:41 9-Mar-10

Well done. I pasted the code into the original document with credit. At my last job, a technical writer and I became friends, and she taught me a bit about technical writing, above the one course I took in college. I think the ability to do it well is admirable, but I don't know if I have the wherewithal, myself. I do appreciate a well-written manual, anyway. I will check out your "technical tips for UnNews Audio anchormen", as time permits. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:59, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Help:How to write an UnNews article

Now, to flog my own creation, Help:How to write an UnNews article--accessible from the UnNews main page by clicking on CONTRIBUTE--needs to be edited. Certainly new users should read what we have just worked on before embarking on the four-step list (step 1 being, create an article name), not as an optional afterthought. I'll do the work if you like. Spıke Ѧ 03:13 9-Mar-10

By all means, go at it tooth and claw, or I might ban your ass. Well, not ban, but, something evil... maybe a curse, or... make you smell my socks. Yeah, that's the ticket. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 04:13, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

In this and in the matter of Ear Hair, you are giving me way too much detail, Uncle. And banning someone for not doing work is unconstitutional under the 13th Amendment! (Skinfan13 will argue this one with me.) But here goes. Spıke Ѧ 11:26 9-Mar-10

I was talking about my granddaughters ear hair, if that makes a difference. Oh, and are you aware of the thing called a joke ban? Not that I do that myself. I've only actually done it once, with disastrous results. I made the assumption that the person I was teasing was not a miserable, sociopathic cunt. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:51, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

This is now done. Thanks as always for the encouragement. Whew! the previous edition began with a threat of making the powers-that-be angry (not the warmest welcome) and the example title for a new article invited n00bs to write about themselves. I think we have about enough of that. I don't think this edit adds any controversy, but you can review it at your leisure. Spıke Ѧ 12:05 9-Mar-10

I'll check this out later. I'm amused, because the work you've been doing is something that's been on my mind for more than a year. Also, you have this annoying habit of making comments which reflect what I wanted to do anyway, and just when I'd sit down to discuss it, I see you've already thought of it. Case in point; I've been thinking about putting something on the Main Page to alert folks to the rewrite of the HowTo. This afternoon, I look here and see you've suggested it, and how to do it too.

This is leading me to a disturbing conclusion; that you, in fact, do not exist. Rather, you must me my sockpuppet. Since I have no memory of doing what you've done, I assume it's unconscious, or perhaps, multiple personality disorder. The most disturbing thing is that you and I appear to be able to log in and type separately yet simultaneously. This leads me to believe that you and I have discovered some fundamental physical law, and could win a Nobel. Or maybe not... Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:51, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed, we have never been seen in the same room together! (You can tell that I listen to Howie Carr.) Spıke Ѧ 22:58 9-Mar-10

And finally, I would hump it further by sticking an ad at the top of the UnNews main page for a week or two:

Contributors: The rules haven't changed, but they're now written down in one place. Please review the Style Guide and take from it what you can about writing quality humor that looks like news.

--Spıke Ѧ 14:02 9-Mar-10

Will do. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 21:51, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

I'll beat you to it, Sockpuppet, as I gave it a trial run under Preview and know which block to fit it inside. Spıke Ѧ 22:58 9-Mar-10

Good work, and you are the sockpuppet. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

PS--I saw the "Bullet-in," checked your Contributions to see that you were not in the office this morning, and took that news story directly to QVFD. I see you've now taken care of it. The fact that assassination humor is not funny doesn't even need to be in the Style Guide. Spıke Ѧ 23:05 9-Mar-10

Ugh, yeah that article was awful regardless of subject matter. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 23:10, March 9, 2010 (UTC)

Why reply

No, really, Zim, I already had that story dated below as March 10. But I forgot to change the date in time. It was always my intention for it to be 10th news. That's all. Feature or not. The Hobo news is really not feature worthy anyway, subject wise. I'm not concerned about that. But it's a brand new news. So sorry I didn't go in and change the date soon enough. Sorry. BTW, I'm over here in SE Asia at night - so if I put a 10th news on 10th here, it shows as 9th news on UnNews - UNLESS I remember to change the top date. Which I always have except hobo time. It's all in fun. Right?

Right now I'm putting news for March 12th on Old Faithful. When I save it will be 10th even if dated 12th below. So I must edit and change the top date. That's all. I have another article for 12th already in line. While I'm on a roll I might as well keep going. Yeah!? Before I blow my wad! Be sure to let me know about correct format. I tend to follow what I see. And thanks for that. As long as it's fun it's fun. Dude--Funnybony  00:06, Mar 10

I'm glad you're enjoying your time here, as I do. You're right, that's a great reason. Enjoy the food while you're there, dude. Continue having fun. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 00:28, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

Zim, if I can write a news good enough to earn your help... that is mega cool. They are always better after your magic touch.

Here's one for March 12 - tomorrow - I hope you will improve:UnNews:Old Faithful On Strike

PLUS

Another for March 12th, I think its good cause it urges people to become Registered Users: UnNews:Colossal Jelly Fish Sighted off Tahiti

Thanks ever--Funnybony  01:40, Mar 11

I will get to these stories later today, and will publish after, God whom I do not believe in willing. You are kind to show such deference to my inflated self-opinion, I do love it so. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:31, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

News notes

• Have added playback time to megabytes in the items in {{RecentUnNewsAudio}}. I have declined to add comments to the file suggesting that others do so.
• Have moved two UnNews stories to shorten their titles and use UnNews capitalization. One was also in {{Second Lead}}. I'll add a note about short headlines to the Style Guide.
• The story on NASCAR's slap on the wrist for the fatal car crash becomes my first Audio of someone else's story, and Uncle J is added to the list of Contributors.
• Have devised a background clip with my sports theme (Pennant Fever) fading into TeleTypes. What we need is an UnNews Sports logo--say, a white potato with red seam-stitchings. Spıke Ѧ 14:45 11-Mar-10

Cool. I will consider and comment on your points later. Thanks. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 17:33, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

• Also, have just found the place where UnNews Audio titles were being forced to all-initial-caps (it was in {{UnAudio}} and have turned that off. Spıke Ѧ 18:12 11-Mar-10

Extreme! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:19, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

• And finally--I saw that you had replaced a single dash to a double dash after the place name in an UnNews story. The Style Guide gives authors four options; but if you are going to take the other three and change them to double-dash, I've changed the Style Guide to simply ask authors to do it that way from the start. Spıke Ѧ 18:42 11-Mar-10

Actually, the mdash thing causes the podcast xml file to explode unless I change it every time explicitly, so I discourage its use. The double dash is mostly a matter of convention; that's pretty much how I founcd things once I "took over". Things are starting to look a bit spiffy around here, non? Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:43, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnNews:Eminem Edges Out 50 Cent As Forbes Richest

Hi Zim, I don't know who's da man 'round the UnNews office, but I did a news on Forbes List that's post dated for the 13th - and I don't want to get beat to the punch. I'm trying to cut back to one news story per day - to maintain my dwindling youth - So I hope 13th is not too late. I have posted news for 14th also (UnNews:Colossal Jelly Fish Sighted off Tahiti - March 14 (future) UnNews) - hope the format is correctly done. Thanks--Funnybony  18:03, Mar 11

I've moved both of your tentative stories to your user space. That's where we like to keep our work in progress, in most all cases. Unless there's a pressing reason for a story to be published on a particular future date, I will hold them in reserve and meet them out as stories are needed. This will be a great help because we do have slow days where it would be great to be able to plug in a new article without all the time needed to create it. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 18:18, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

Cool Zim, they were linked from {{RecentUnNews}} so I removed them as they were showing red links on the main page. Maybe it's a good suggestion to check the what links here when moving pages. I normally try to remember to do so. Though I often forget. Did anyone see my slippers? Dorothy? Who stole the fish fingers? In addition, it's time for my medication. MrN  Fork you! 18:44, Mar 11

Ok, guys, cool! Understood! How about the Yellow Stone Old Faithful story? That's for 12th and it's 12th March on my trustworthy (bastard) PC, here in Bangkok. The only reason I put anything on {{RecentUnNews}} is cause my Mentor MrN - told me to. And I fugured, it's a clean job, but somebodies gotta do it, unless someone is already in charge of {{RecentUnNews}}. It's all cool with me.--Funnybony  18:56, Mar 11

It think (maybe) that one of the things which Zim is saying is... No dating articles into the future? If you have something which you have done, but don't want to put it up yet, keep it in userspace until closer to the day? Certainly, changing the date of an article once it's created is kinda a really big no-no. You got to pick your spot, and stick to it. Whatever the time is where you are don't really matter. It's Uncyc time which matters also. If it's not ready to go... Keep it in userspace... MrN  Fork you! 19:27, Mar 11

What MrN9000 said about what I said. The Eminem story will stay as is, to save creating another record in the database, and since it's almost the 12th anyway. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:58, March 11, 2010 (UTC)

About UnNews

Zim, this veteran of only seven months (two months in UnNews) has now just stumbled onto UnNews:About. It tries to do some of the same things as the Style Guide. Would you care to convert this to a Letter from the Publisher--no, that's too pompous, let's say From the Chief like ink-stained wretch Perry White. It would be good to retain the welcome to new users, and for you to advise them of your personal limits and attitude regarding the use of UnNews, while referring to the Style Guide for details on the mechanics of editing UnNews and choosing an article. Spıke Ѧ 19:41 13-Mar-10

This sounds like a good idea. Enjoy masticating this thing, if you feel like it. I see you got written up in The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost... congrats, dude! I like it when other people notice users that I've noticed. This perpetuates the delusion that because at least a few people agree with me, I am right. I'm always right. Cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 01:54, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

This is now done, except for adding a photo of Perry White (alongside Superman, if possible). You might want to review it, as I have conveniently signed your name to it. (Also completed the bothersome job of completing next month's UnNews payroll, also under your signature, if you don't mind.) My next obsession may be sprucing up the masthead. The articles on Cthlhlullu and the others are interesting pieces of performance art, but I can't imagine what they're doing there. Is this you humping your own creations, as though you were Funnybony? or were they left there by your predecessor, the founder of UnNews whose name we no longer recall? Spıke Ѧ 16:07 14-Mar-10

Pending (and new) queries

Chief, Funnybony, Mordillo, whoever--

• Any comments on the new UnNews:About, styled A warm welcome from the Chief, i.e., you?

I hadn't quite gotten around to commenting on the improvements here. I intend to read it through a fourth time with a fine-toothed comb to see if there is anything to add, but as of now, the only question I have is about how the Chief is me. As much as I love to be feared and admired, I was thinking maybe the document could be cosigned by an UnNews Cabal (which does not exist, of course) in the form of key founders and we who do most of the nuts and bolts stuff.

Needless to say, Mordillo, Spike and I would be included. I'll think more about who else. I will, of course, retain the title of Chief for my own amusement and self-gratification. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

• Now that the width issue on the masthead is solved, any preference on the current versus two-column format for the links? Mordillo says he prefers the present layout.

It looks much better, nice work. I don't really have a preference, but then, I haven't heard much in the way of arguments either way. I'd like to hear some whys. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

• Is there a reason for Ctlhtlthtu etc. to be on the masthead rather than down lower on the front page?

Tradition, perhaps? Arguments for or against? Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

• (New) Any problem with replacing Foolitzer and Goldstein on the masthead with UnNews Awards--linked to UnNews:About#The best that could happen?

Again, tradition may be a reason to keep it as is. I'd like to hear arguments. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

• (New) Any problem with taking the Style Guide out of the HowTo: space and moving it to UnNews:Style?

I'd like to see us follow a similar style to Uncyclopedia in general. Does mainspace have this scheme? If so, I say, go with it.

• (New) Although we can probably continue to meet here to discuss articles, non-articles, plans, and proposals, there is a pan-UnNews talk page, UnNews:Newsroom, for these topics. (I was about to propose it, but previewed this message and the red-link wasn't red.) It contains forgotten ideas from old: (1) The fact that people shouldn't sign their UnNewses (I'll add this to the Style Guide) and (2) a proposal for Letters to the Editor (I like it, provided authors use it for parodies and not as a talk page).

Yeah, we should probably convene in a more common area. You name it, Spike, and we'll be there... in spirit, at least. Maybe we can collect our discussions here and elsewhere putting everything into a common source.

As for items 1 and 2 above; (1) Good, that items does come up and should be addressed in the style guide. (2) I agree, letters to the editor could be another hilarious way to push our nefarious agenda. Definitely not as a talk page. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 16:31, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Your ink-stained wretch, Spıke Ѧ 14:02 15-Mar-10

---

In the same order:

• I should add something to From the Chief stressing the nonexistence of any Cabal. Though you are happy to remain the Chief, are you saying that the final line of the article should no longer link to your user page?
• You might not even have seen the two-column format, as it quickly made the front page blow up for Mordillo (not for me, but only because of my custom fonts and local style rules). I might experiment with it again in the future, once discussion about its proper component items is settled; if unacceptable, it wouldn't have as horrible an effect as before and would be easy to undo.
• Regarding Cthtlthtlu etc., I am necessarily weak on UnNews tradition, but I've read all three, and they strike me as odd little articles but hardly central to UnNews. They purport to deliver help (maybe even live, personal help) to the new user, and don't. (Hahahahahaha.) So I'd argue to move them down by UnFunnies.
• Foolitzer/Goldstein: The new user might want to know that we give out awards. He doesn't need to know, right away, that there are two and what their names are. In the masthead, therefore, I'd link to their overview in From the Chief--from which the actual awards pages are one additional link away.
• The "Style Guide" for Uncyclopedia is, of course, UN:HTBFANJS. It is not in HowTo: but neither is it in mainspace. I stand by my recommendation of moving our advice into the UnNews: space. Mordillo might be able to give a rationale with some history in it.
• I did name the venue: UnNews:Newsroom; it seems to be organized for just such a purpose. Spıke Ѧ 17:39 15-Mar-10

Two-column format

I just started to play around with two-column format again and I don't want to implement it. On screens that have a lot more room than mine, it would create a lot more blank space than our current run-on list of links; on windows created with less than a full screen, requiring two columns might make very weird things happen. So I withdraw that question. Spıke Ѧ 19:49 15-Mar-10

Fair enough; I'll get to the above issues soon. cheers! Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 19:56, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

In the same order:

• Now that I've thought about it, let's leave that as is for now. Ths note on the cabal is cute. We don't need it, but it's fun.
• No, I never saw it. Did Mordillo explode?
• Lets put Cthulhu etc. up for discussion on our shiny, new and improved newsroom, shall we? I'm leaning towards Spikes view.
• Same with Foolitzer/Goldstein. I'm leaning towards Spikes view.
• Same with the "Style Guide". I'm leaning towards Spikes view.
• Yes, I was unclear, even to myself. UnNews:Newsroom it is. I'm going there now to have a look around the place, and get started. Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 03:13, March 16, 2010 (UTC)