UnNews:Musk digs a new hole for himself

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16 January 2019

When asked whether this was a standard tunnel prototype or one for the Hyperloop, Musk (inset) answered, "What do you think it is?"

UNDERGROUND HAWTHORNE, California, USA -- Elon Musk and his Boring Co. have unveiled the full-size prototype for his Los Angeles area tunnel project slated for completion in 2019, which in Musk-speak means 2021 or later. Maybe. It will connect SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne with Dodger Stadium. "This means shifting the foundations of several skyscrapers but we'll have a machine able to do that in like three weeks. Meanwhile, I picked the color of the tunnel myself." said the proud CEO.

Musk stated, "I got the idea while smoking a fat one and watching Bugs Bunny cartoons. If he could dig tunnels real fast, I figured it could be done that fast in real life." He added, "I'm the incredible theoretical idea guy. I leave it to the engineers to figure out the details. So it's all on their heads at this point." It was further added that the borer would be programmed so that the machine would always make a left at Albuquerque.

The project first envisioned all-clear-bodied super-high-speed vehicles holding twenty people along with provisions for individual autos carried on platforms. It has now been announced that the project has been slightly revised to carry passengers in roomy burlap sacks, two per burro. Riders will provide their own burros, probably at about $200-$300, but sacks will be free and made from recycled dirt and rags from the dig.

Musk continued, "Of course, when Hyperloop comes online it will use the much faster giant mutant hamster. Giant hamsters are already a reality, running in wheels to power our Gigafactory making batteries in Nevada. But some of them drink too much water, a scarce commodity out in the desert. So sometimes we have to give them a little of THIS", as he pulled out his Not a Flamethrower and coolly lit a giant spliff being held by his girlfriend standing three feet away.

Critics note that the project will still have to get approval from grues and CHUDs who opposed his earlier tunnel between the south end of the SpaceX parking lot and its north end.

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