SpaceX

SpaceX, full name Space seXplorations, is a spaceflight company based in California. Headed by Hamas Leader Uleek M'dik under the name Elon Musk, it has grown from a small family friendly rocket business based in the Gaza Strip to a massive commercial operation delivering satellite payloads to orbit.

One way mission rocket men.

History

SpaceX was founded in 1973 with the goal of providing affordable access to space for terrorists average consumers in the Gaza Strip. After 27 years of lucrative business with the Palestinians, Uleek M'dik purchased a United States social security number on the black market and assumed the name Elon Musk, allowing him to move his business to California. In the years since, SpaceX has pioneered reusable, affordable orbital rockets for slightly more high-brow customers.

Early Rockets

These rockets were on the market while SpaceX was based in the Gaza Strip from 1973 to 2002 and were still made until 2011 when they were discontinued. They were sold on what can only be described as a "don't ask, don't tell" basis. A SpaceX spokesperson said only that they were discontinued because of "declining sales," and while SpaceX viciously denies it, we all know that this decline in sales was due to terrorist plots using SpaceX's rockets being foiled by Israel's "Iron Dome," which went online around the same time.

Quassam v1

A prototype rocket designed by SpaceX in 1973, it was an expendable launch system capable of carrying a 5-pound payload 25 km, enough to penetrate into Israel. It completed a successful test flight in early 1974.

Quassam Mark I

Hitting the shelves in early 1975, this was a further iteration of the earlier prototype and SpaceX's first ever commercial rocket. Its key difference was affordability, with the entire launch system costing just $300 in American Dollars.

Another satisfied customer holds his new Quassam Mark V. Order yours today!

Quassam Mark III

Becoming available in early 1981, this was an improved variant of the Mark I with increased payload and range. This allowed terrorists to launch bigger bombs further.

Quassam Mark V

In 1988, SpaceX finally started paying their engineers with money rather than sexual favors from Osama Bin Laden's wives, and the increase in productivity meant this rocket was actually designed somewhat well. When it was released to the public, it was a huge success, because the entire system cost just $140, could reach Jerusalem, and could carry a very large bomb capable of killing Infidels and not just scaring them.

Post-Relocation Rockets

These rockets were designed after SpaceX moved to California in 2002 and started actually building space-worthy vehicles for peaceful purposes. They are rather boring, mostly because they aren't supposed to explode, and because Uleek M'dik Elon Musk has abandoned his nutty religious conservatism and adopted the pinko commie leftist idea of reusing rockets to save the environment. This is totally dumb , because everyone knows that Climate Change is a hoax invented by the Chinese, and while we're on this topic, the Moon Landings were faked (those NASA liars will NEVER get past God's Firmament), the Earth is 4,000 years old, the Moon is a hologram, Hillary Clinton is still from the Moon, regardless of the previous fact...

Falcon 1

SpaceX's first rocket after moving to California, intended to prove SpaceX's financial viability to the evil capitalist overlords. It went up like a candle 3 times before it finally made it to orbit, after which Falcon 1 was completely forgotten.

Falcon 9

New Shepard, the penis-shaped rocket not designed by SpaceX, launching on a mission to Uranus.

A reusable rocket that had become the backbone of SpaceX's operations. It launches from the Kennedy Space Center (or Vandenburg AFB for west coast launches) and separates in two. The upper half goes on to orbit with its payload of secret government mind-control satellites while the bottom descends and lands on a floating piece of cardboard.

Falcon Heavy

Nothing more than 3 Falcon 9's duct-taped and super glued together, roughly tripling the payload to orbit. The first launch, completed February 6 2018, was supposed to explode in an awesome tribute to SpaceX's origins. Unfortunately, it made it to orbit unharmed (Booooorrrrrrriiiinnng, Say "BOOOO!!!"). At least we got to see a car in space.

I won't be telling you anything about this rocket other than it's name, because it is all you need to know to know everything you need to know about this rocket.

Falcon 69

Not a real rocket, but rather the nickname given to the Falcon 9 by people who thought it looked remarkably like a penis. This nickname fell out of use when Blue Origin outdid SpaceX with New Shepard, which was actually designed based on a penis.