UnNews:Miliband shares his interest in becoming PM

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Friday, November 22, 2024, 07:53:59 (UTC)
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12 April 2014

The Labour Party has released campaign posters marking Ed's declaration.

LONDON -- In a surprise announcement during a press interview Ed Miliband, leader of the official opposition in the British Parliament, declared his intentions on becoming Prime Minister. "I've always wanted to be Prime Minister," said Ed, "Ever since I was a little boy and I had that childish dream of becoming one while reading the Political section of the Daily Mirror. My father was already a prominent Communist guerilla fighter and he would always show me his clever methods for sucking up to the Trade Unions so that when I was older I could follow in his footsteps."

The Labour Party have released a statement claiming that Ed Miliband, "was excited and in the spur of the moment" and his decision to become Prime Minister was, "a hasty and rash conclusion brought on by media pressure." As Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls said, "Let's wait for Ed to make some policies first and then he might be able to consider standing for Prime Minister. I should have been leader of the Labour Party really, being the only experienced Labour MP left after Blair's time but I'm just going to have to face the facts that no one wants a Prime Minister Balls."

So far Ed's moves made towards becoming Prime Minister have been to put a freeze on energy prices for two years, "I can't wait to see the poor people's faces when they don't have increasing energy bills and it will be even funnier when all the energy companies go bust and Britain runs out of energy...oh no wait that's not going to work! All right I just disagree with whatever Cameron says." Ed has also visited schools and hospitals telling people that he is the alternative to David Cameron while waving his single economy-ruining policy in their faces. "What I love about the policy is it deals with the energy and economic crises in one go, like killing two birds with one stone."

David Cameron when told that Ed Miliband wanted to be Prime Minister cackled and then said, "He needs to come up with some policies first!" After being told that the media have mentioned that joke quite a few times Cameron continued, "I can never quite tell what his views are because he always ends up repeating me whenever he argues back. It's his only tactic for becoming PM." Miliband replied, "I can always tell what his views are because I always end up repeating him whenever I argue back. It's a good tactic for me because it makes me sound like I'm a Prime Minister so people might vote for me."

Political editor for BBC News told UnNews that, "Ed Miliband is an underestimated character. Cameron tries so hard to find out what Miliband's views are (if he has any) that it is crippling Cameron's political position. Like a flea latched onto the Prime Minister, Ed is always there as the alternative and I think people might just vote for a man who has no policies than a man who will kill off the poor."

Ed's Prospects of becoming Prime Minister:

The table below compares Ed Miliband to David Cameron in light of the run up to the 2015 election.

Names David Cameron Ed Miliband
"Don't say I didn't warn you - God told me to do this!"
"Cheese Gromit!"
Age 47 44 (but mentally younger)
Religious Status Free Mason Atheist (my party requires it)
Catch Phrase "Wait the NHS hasn't been closed down yet?...(smiles)...I'll be back!" "What he said - unless it's my brother or the PM then not what he said."
Message for the People "A great flood's coming to wipe out all you plebs! God will have his revenge on the poor." "Uhh...hi my name's Ed. My surname's Miliband, I have this little joke that I'm a thousandth of a musical band!...Hahaha...hopefully a musical band you like because then I like it too...well so...Oh and at least I'm not called "Balls"!"
Worst Nightmare Michael Gove's next idea. The Daily Mail's Head of Inventing Facts.
Best Policy A tax on pasties. Asking for Prime Ministerial tutoring from Gordon Brown.
Favourite Photoshoot "The one where Osborne and I are topless and shooting badgers. It made me feel so sexy being around him." "The one where you can't see my face or hear my voice."
If you were Prime Minister in 2015 what would you do? "Continue as normal, everything is running smoothly." "Oh, Prime Minister that would be soo cool! I'd make all my best friends cabinet ministers and then give out free doughnuts every day to everyone."
Favourite Film Batman - "I think it just shows, the more we crack down on crime, the happier we are." Thomas the Tank Engine and his Friends - "Friendship is a key part of Socialism and I certainly learnt a lot from this film."


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