UnNews:May looks for new allies

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UnFair and UnBalanced ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, April 25, 2024, 01:37:59 (UTC)
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10 June 2017

Theresa May with some new allies.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Theresa May is looking for new allies in Parliament after her bid to augment her Conservative Party's majority was augmented by minus 12.

May, who had offered the electorate a campaign with slogans like "Strong and Stable," "Sexy and Sincere," and "Special and Supreme," saw her party lose seats to the reddest of the reds, Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the Labour Party. Confounding all reports that Corbyn was a dangerous, baby-eating Marxist pro-murderer, Labour et al. ate May's baby majority in the House of Commons.

Though the Tories won more votes and seats than Labour, they don't have a clear stretch of blue water between themselves and the others. This means Theresa May is casting her net for allies.

"I have spoken to Mr Emo and Lord Buckethead, who were standing against me in my seat of Maidenhead," said May. "They suggested my best bet was to team up with the pro-creationist, anti-gay Democratic Unionists from Northern Ireland. I said that sounded like the best plan I have heard during the election campaign, so I am going to follow their advice."

Lord Buckethead

The Democratic Unionists, which was founded on the principles of the Three Noes ("No Popery, No Sodomy, and No Surrender") by Ian Paisley, have laid out a set of plans to work with the Conservatives. These will include creationist and flat-earthist policies they hope to see in the next Government's legislative programme. Theresa May said that there was a "meeting of minds."

Lord Buckethead has declined to take up a government post, as he is needed on another planet. Buckethead previously visited Earth in 1987 when he stood against Margaret Thatcher and in 1992 he tried communicating his message as a challenge to John Major. His long absence is explained by intergalatic travel problems.

Sources[edit]

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