UnNews:Marion Barry in fender-bender

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3 August 2014

Mr. Barry as he appears on the Washington City Council.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former Washington mayor Marion Barry was taken to a hospital after being involved in a minor traffic accident.

Mr. Barry’s spokeswoman Latoya Foster said the driver of the other car, who unlike Mr. Barry was driving in the right direction on the street, complained of injuries. The 78-year-old Mr. Barry has diabetes and hypoglycemia and might have been a single Snickers bar from driving correctly. He has in the past also been a victim of ADD, cocaine, budget-cutting, and the legacy of slavery.

Police said Mr. Barry was cited for driving on the wrong side of the road, expired tags and not having insurance. However, Mr. Barry denied being an illegal immigrant, but said he merely represents them on the D.C. Council.

D.C. Police spokeswoman Gwendolyn Crump said the cause of the crash was being investigated — though driving the wrong way down a street might have had something to do with it — and that police didn’t have any details on whether drugs, alcohol, or racism were a factor. The site of the crash, in the 2700 block of Pennsylvania Avenue S.E., is not too far away from the White House, at 1600, but it is not known whether President Obama was aware of the incident, was taken to his underground bunker, or made another dopey comment about which of the drivers most resembles the son that he does not have.

Happily, Mr. Barry had promptly tweeted from his hospital room that he had returned to lucidity. His tweet read: "The bitch set me up."