UnNews:Led Zeppelin members to reunite in November, if they live that long

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18 September 2007

LONDON, England -- The three surviving members of the legendary rock group Led Zeppelin recently announced their plans to get back together for a one-time show, with John Bonham's former pet gerbil, Jason, filling in on drums.

Robert Plant on the cover of his latest solo album, "Take me to the Zoo", the follow-up to his 1999 smash hit "I don't want to go to another fucking family reunion!"

The three surviving members of the rock band will be playing for the first time in 75 years. The band split shortly after the tragic death of drummer John Bonham, who famously choked to death when he attempted to swallow an empty beer can during a drinking spree. Singer Robert Plant and guitarist Jimmy Page reunited for a world tour in the 1990's, leaving out bass player John Paul Jones, much to his annoyance. "I'm tired of people constantly forgetting my name," said...uh...whatever his name was when asked about the incident.

The band will play a one-time show at an arena in London, presuming that all three of the remaining band members live long enough. "We've been trying to keep them out of trouble," says Mrs. Tipsy Wagner, manager of Happyville Retirement Center, where all three of the remaining members live, "But you never really know. Robert's back has been acting up again, and Jimmy's been complaining about his lumbago. As for...uh...whatever that bass player's name is...Harry? He's doing okay, aside from a tendency to not want to take his spongebaths."

With a mixture of formaldehyde and cocaine originally concocted by Keith Richards, the managers of the retirement center hope to keep the band members well preserved enough to play the concert in several months. However, they haven't made any guarantees.

"They might not really be well enough to actually play any music", says Wagner, "but I'm sure we can put them in rocking chairs on stage, and play some of their CD's really loud. Maybe, if it's a good day, Robert will even work up the strength to lip sync a little. Just as long as they get to take a lot of bathroom breaks, and maybe a 45 minute nap at some point in the show, things should work out. If not, there's always Prince."

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