UnNews:Kerry negotiates standstill agreement with Obamacare

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
(audio) UnNews Audio (file info)
Listen to this story!
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures! ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:39:59 (UTC)
Kerry negotiates standstill agreement with Obamacare UnNews Logo Potato.png

29 November 2013

The Secretary of State (extreme left) fits into the negotiations nicely, perhaps helped by the backdrop rug, part of the "redecoration" of the Oval Office.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry brought welcome relief to the spate of negative publicity for the Obama administration by negotiating a six-month standstill agreement against further deployment of Obamacare. But the opposition said it falls far short of complete disarmament.

Kerry said the agreement requires the adversary to halt work that some believe is leading to a fearsome weapon of mass destruction. The rogue government is to implement it “late next month, or in January,” unless the weapon is complete by then, in which case the agreement will not be needed. The former economic boycott, which restricted the other side to business with anyone except us, will be replaced with an agreement to do business on anything except weaponry. Verification will be the subject of meetings to occur at the end of the agreement.

But House Republican leader John Boehner complained that the enemy will be allowed to keep its infrastructure and there is no proof that they will not cheat. Pointing across the Capitol Mall, he added, "Our inspectors have never been allowed on-site to monitor what they are doing."

The Republicans believe that hundreds of whirring machines continue to spin, concentrating their priceless material into a fissionable weapon despite occasional crashes. The entire system could be complete in years, maybe months, although past deadlines have come and gone. Other countries could be forced to take drastic action, given that a single 21-hour speech exhausted Mr. Boehner's team, especially those who were not giving it.

The agreement continues the bipartisan policy in which the U.S. gives an adversary a large, up-front payment to promise that it will “be good for a little while” or else explain why that was impossible. “These are tough and challenging negotiations,” said Jen Psaki at the State Department. But, “as the Secretary has said many times, he is the last person who is going to accept a bad deal,” obviously alluding to the game of musical chairs.

Sources[edit]

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Kerry_negotiates_standstill_agreement_with_Obamacare&oldid=6178879"