UnNews:Joe Biden will "run like hell" in 2024

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Straight talk, from straight faces UnNews Saturday, June 10, 2023, 05:02:59 (UTC)

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23 April 2023

The Running Man

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. President Joe Biden says he's "in the running" to stand again in 2024. America's slender-framed "Old Grandpa" is confident he can win again and beat anyone to the White House, provided anyone's name is Donald Trump.

"I've been training with Usain Bolt recently," said Biden. "We do it in the woods around Camp David, where I can get privacy and no muckraking television station will find me. When Usain can't do it, I ask Dr. Jill to pitch in. We make a great team."

"I'll give you a head start, Jill."

News that Biden is planning to run again disappointed Vice President Kamala Harris, who had thought she could parlay being named to fix the southern border into compelling credentials for her turn in the office. The Democratic Party also expected that Trump was a busted flush. That the former President is the likely nominee of the Republican Party has thrown Democrat plans into the air.

"It's either Biden or bust," said a White House source. "Let him beat Trump and then retire from the field and spend more time in Ireland, tap-dancing around Dublin."

The odds of a re-run of the Biden-Trump election currently look high, though Trump could be in prison and Biden in a hospital bed by November 2024.