UnNews:Japan to hide trash in invisible ink

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Democracy Dies with Dignity ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:13:59 (UTC)
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11 October 2019

The octopus, shortly before meeting a schoolgirl.

TSU, Japan -- After receiving backlash from environmentalists about Japan's excessive use of plastics, the government has taken a new approach to reducing waste: just hide it. The government has announced that it has hired several ninjas to douse the mountains of trash in invisible ink.

The Japanese schoolgirl, doing her patriotic duty to help the environment by unloading an ingredient into the mixing chamber.

The ink is made by blending several ingredients. The base of the ingredient is octopus sperm, which first must be harvested from some of the thousands of schoolgirls who are tentacle-raped each week in Japanese cinema. It is then mixed with natto and soy sauce to give it enough viscosity, and then it must incubate for several hours before it's ready to use.

The goal of this plan was to, effectively, kill two birds with one stone; the hippies will shut up about the planet, and the Japanese dubious fluid industry will get an economic boost. Other countries are paying attention to this plan, and some look to be wanting in on it. The Kurds have requested several hundred barrels of it to make themselves invisible to Turkey. Donald Trump has withheld aid to Japan until it gives him a few barrels with which to spy on his pesky whistleblower.

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