UnNews:Internet privacy in danger from outer space

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14 February 2015

Purchases on even the remotest branches of multinational chains might become visible to all.

SAN JOSE, California -- Scientists meeting here have proposed broadcasting the entirety of the internet into outer space. World-leading researchers involved in the search for extraterrestrial life reported that they made First Contact near Andromeda last year and that the extraterrestrials wish to buy the entire contents of the internet for millions of dollars — cash that NASA dearly needs to develop warp drive capabilities.

"My personal preference is to send the internet - send it all - because if you send a lot of information then there's some chance they'll pay a high price back," commented Dr. Shostak, who works in the Seti Institute.

However, many activist groups have complained that it would be such a clear breach of internet privacy that even the NSA would say, "Jeez, that's not right". Many websites have reassured their internet users that they would not pass personal information onto a third party, and yet this proposal would undermine that internet trust. Some people have even called the alien contact story a "conspiracy," pointing out that the messages from Andromeda were written in English and that a nearby black hole had actually bent the radio waves' path with its calculated origin to be the main office of a "tax-dodging" major international corporation in Switzerland.

Earth-situated corporations have questioned whether it is fair to let aliens buy confidential internet information when they themselves are prohibited from doing so. Youtubers have welcomed the proposals, though, looking forward to trillions more subscribers and views on their channels.

Scientists have suggested that the aliens might agree to send their internet data to Earth in exchange, meaning that humanity will have its first glimpse into what aliens eat for breakfast, how terrible a day an alien has had, and the number of alien-language swear words they can fit into a 140-character tweet.

Sources[edit]

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