UnNews:Han Solo fails glider pilot Bronze badge

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12 March 2015

Solo lands the Falcon on a golf course after getting so-lo he couldn't get back to the club Hutt.

RENDLESHAM FOREST, England -- Han Solo, Corillian space fighter ace and high-ranking member of the New Republic, has suffered injuries that left his ego a little soar after he failed the handling part of the gliding Bronze badge. The ex-smuggler, pirate, and galactic gadabout let his vintage glider get too low during the exam and had to land on a golf course near Rendlesham Forest in Suffolk.

Almost a year after passing his first solo flight, which lets Solo fly solo in the vicinity of the launch site, Solo was keen to get his Bronze badge and qualify to go solo on cross country flights. Part of the test required an instructor to fly with Solo to observe Solo’s solo flying skills at a more advanced level.

Solo’s instructor, retired RAF veteran fighter pilot Bertie Billington-Bedford, 92, said that Solo did seem a little below-par on the test day, as the famous galactic swashbuckler said: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.” However, Billington-Bedford tried to keep the trainee pilot calm with gentle encouragement.

Flying skills tests are always a bit nerve-racking,” said the instructor. “Launching on the winch to a thousand feet at sixty knots in thirty seconds is a dynamic start, even for this impressive young man who made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.

“Mr Solo actually got off to a flying start. A good winch, a little fast, but not dangerous. He has always been a bit stiff on the rudder pedals, as the Millenium Falcon has automatic yaw control, but recently Solo has been flying his starship in manual to keep his skills up, and it was evident flying the 1944 Slingsby T21 in perfect balance.”

Billington-Bedford went on to say that he often found Galactic pilots had a poor lookout and their R/T is generally sloppy with all the automation. However, Solo had also worked hard on those areas and felt he had the potential to become a reasonable glider pilot.

“Solo flew the stalls, spins and other dynamic maneuvers impressively. The lad’s Achilles heel has always been altitude monitoring, as he is not used to flying solo at work. He has trained his pet to bark if he is going to fly right through a star or bounce too close to a supernova – something that is rarely a concern at a rural Suffolk gliding club. Unfortunately, Solo let the glider sink solo that we had to land on a golf course by Rendlesham Forest. Still, they are used to aliens landing there and were extremely helpful.”

An embarrassed but good-natured Solo said: “I feel a big divot, to be honest: I fly twenty billion light years in the fastest ship in the Galaxy then bogie the Bronze gliding test! One day, I will soar as an eagle, but for the time being, I remain a birdie. I have to get back to the Gliding Club Hutt now, where I owe a lot of beers to the retrieve crew, or risk getting frozen out. One thing's for sure: Chewie will be roaring with laughter.”