UnNews:Gorilla destroys Rotterdam
| Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, April 27, 2024, 18:38:59 (UTC) |
| Gorilla destroys Rotterdam | 
|
19 May 2007
 |
UnNews Audio (file info) |
| Listen to this story! | |
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope. |
|
ROTTERDAM, Sodom and Gomorrah -- A 18000kg (40,000-pound) gorilla has escaped from its enclosure and run amok at Rotterdam zoo in the Netherlands. Witnesses reported seeing the gorilla, a dominant male, climb the enclosure's wall and apparently pick up a beautiful woman, as well lay to waste two-thirds of the historic Dutch shipping centre. The city was evacuated as the gorilla destroyed much of its historic streets in reaction to being refused service at a strip club.
The 11-year-old gorilla, called Diddy Kong, managed to climb a high wall to escape from his enclosure. "He got over the moat, which in itself is remarkable because the savage negroes of Skull Island told us their barbarous gorillas can't swim," zoo director Ton Dorrestijn told reporters.
Visitors then described scenes of panic, as families ran screaming from the animal and entire blocks of the city suddenly erupted into flames. The beast was only stopped when the Dutch Air Force shot the beast off of Millennium Tower, the tallest building in the city. The beast perished, and the voluptious vixen he had taken hostage immediately began to make out with me.
"This device shows the amount of decadence present in the repulsive Euro-Trash culture," Reverend Pat Robertson reported. "God is showing his wrath toward the left-of-center politics of their vile, unGodly beliefs in democratic values and civil liberties. It is His will to smite the infidels of New Gomorrah."
The Diergaarde Blijdorp Zoo, which was packed with visitors on a holiday weekend, later reopened. Many people, married, civilly unionized, cohabitating, and single in the Netherlands were taking advantage of a national holiday to make a long weekend and smoke lots of the there-legal reefer.
Sources[edit]
- Billy Britain "Dutch city wiped out". BBC, 18 May 2007