UnNews:Gays vs Tits
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 11:34:59 (UTC) |
| Gays vs Tits | 
|
27 October 2009
Washington D.C., current site of dismal mayhem and anarchy. The country formerly called the United States of Republicans, is now touting a new name: Untied States of Anarchy. That's correct, friends and lovers, a new dawning of decadent ilk has swamped the lands of the free and the brazen. The words muttered in the dusty breeze, "Ann Coulter is no longer our Jesus," can be heard in every dingy back alley and Congress.
Once again Fox News has swung its phallic symbol out into the breeze in bright shiny and gay fashion. In a desperate attempt to create 'street cred', Fox News attempted to produce a completely fake Gay rights protest. They claimed that several buildings, including the White House, were set to flames and burned to a crisp by a supposed billion flamer march that in reality never existed.
Luckily, UnNews' super watchdog group, the people that UnNews writers turn for absolutism, you know who I'm talking about friends and lovers, yes that's right; The Daily Show openly and internationally exposed Fox News as a bullshit news organization by exposing that nonexistent protest of fruits. The Daily Show also vehemently accused the news channel of not coughing up any pictures or film footage of the incident.
Of course this reminds me of the Great Tit protest of Washington D.C. that occurred just this month and was covered exclusively by UnNews. Apparently Fox News was jealous and thought they could manufacture their own queer protest. The main fact is that UnNews coverage of the US capitol spawned new legislation and caused billions of people world wide to write to UnNews to ask how they could help the capitol with their sagging tits problem. This fact created heated problems for all desk jockeys at Fox News.
When it comes to protest, bigger is always better, an adage that tit-lovers worldwide know by heart. Is it punitive to merely compare the sizes of the protests? We at UnNews say no, and despite any of the arguments, and to lastly settle any further disputes, it is a simple fact that everybody loves tits.
Lastly, we shake our finger at you, Fox News, shame! Shame!! Shame!!!
Sources[edit]
- Jon Stewart "Fox Fakes Fudge Fuckers in Freedom's capitol". The Daily Show, October 26, 2009
- Hawthorn Peebles "UnNews:US Capitol gripped by Riots, Lactose Intolerance, and Protestantism". UnNews, October 7, 2009
- Mandy Homophobe "Gay Suspenders Rule Congress". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
- Lester Handy "Lemme show you the size of my head, its the size of a pumpkin!". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
- Ann Coulter "Gay pride: more than what happens in the lower body". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
- Glenn Beck "Glenn Beck is Gay". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
- FoxNews Staff "Yes we love our prostates!". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
- FoxNews Staff "Huckabee isn't gay but wishes he was then he would be in Washington". FoxNews, October 26, 2009
Disclaimer[edit]
The author may not or may have pulled some or all of this article out of his ass. But lastly, no one can make any determination whether or not any or all of the events in this article, including the fall of King Bush, at any point in time really ever related to something that may or may not have existed even to people in the the real world who pretend to make things happen when really they never did even though it's reality and it's supposed to, there was no guarantee that exclusivity was maintained whether implied or expressly written by any penguins on the South Pole ever existed in any form, including, but not limited to chemical, musical, and/or surreal. We at UnNews apologize for nothing, because nobody cares.
 |
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |