UnNews:Foxy Knoxy to fight extradition on TV

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3 February 2014

"Foxy Knoxy" models her orange jumpsuit, reportedly designed by Gucci.

SEATTLE, Washington -- Cute, re-convicted killer Amanda Knox has insisted on her Constitutional rights to appear on as many TV shows as possible whilst her case is up for appeal.

The blonde, all-American, innocent (except in Italy) sweetheart known as Foxy Knoxy, says she is "lost in the Italian legal spaghetti" that found her guilty, then innocent, and now guilty again since 2007. Knox was accused of her involvement in the murder of someone not from the States in Italy. Knox says she can prove her innocence again via friendly chat shows and playing on Americans' fear that everyone else in the world is out to get them.

"I am determined to prove my innocence on the greatest court of the world — the chat-show circuit," said Knox. "If Oprah were still on, I would be on that too. Italy's legal system is so slow that they are still looking for the killers of Mussolini in 1945 — so what chance do I have, a normal girl from Seattle with my knowledge of coffee and Facebook?"

Knox's chances of evading extradition back to Italy may come down to good old-fashioned strings attached to foreign aid and mentioning that Americans helped liberate Italy from the Nazis. Though President Obama's stated opinion on the 1940s is that the U.S. should have brought the troops home and become an "honest broker" between the allies and the fascists, he has at least not packed up any official gifts from Italy and sent them back.