UnNews:Florida man killed by thug, music

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard UnNews Thursday, June 20, 2024, 18:35:59 (UTC)

Florida man killed by thug, music UnNews Logo Potato.png

17 October 2014

Artist's rendition of the car emitting the loud thug music that instigated the confrontation.

JACKSONVILLE, Florida -- A Florida man has been sentenced to life without parole in the death of a fellow Floridian over loud music.

Michael Dunn testified that the problems started when an SUV at a convenience store had loud bass thumping. Prosecutor John Guy said Dunn looked at his girlfriend and said, "I hate that thug music."

"Florida schools teach never to criticize a driver for loud thug music," the prosecutor said, "because the driver is often a loud thug." That was true in this case, and Dunn decided it would be necessary to "put him down," using ten shots from a handy weapon with a large magazine.

It was not clear at press time whether the loud music ceased at that point.

Dunn said he fired the shots because he saw the youths flash something which, if it was not a weapon, was surely a cassette with yet more droning, booming thug music. He continued firing as the SUV sped away solely to ensure no one could fire back at him.

Lucia McBath, mother of 17-year-old victim Jordan Davis of Marietta, Georgia, said that her son was "turning his life around" and about to pursue a successful rap career.

Dunn will serve life in prison, after which the second, 60-year sentence will kick in. Judge Russell Healey told him, "Your life is effectively over," as the prison ritual includes a regime of desensitization through constant exposure to loud thug music. The perpetual sentence was mandatory after prosecutors took the death penalty off the table. However, as the shooter is white and the victim is black, U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder ordered federal agents in Ferguson, Missouri to rush to Jacksonville to ensure that Dunn is "snuffed" on federal Civil Rights charges anyway.

Sources[edit]

Staff "Florida man gets life in prison in loud music killing". Associated Press, October 17, 2014