UnNews:Controversy rages over Steve Irwin video

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6 September 2006

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A group of network news executives giving an interview

BUSHWHACK Australia -- Steve Irwin's family and friends have expressed concerns over the video tape which recorded his death off the Great Barrier Reef a few days ago. John Staiton, Irwin's manager and close friend, told American television that he is worried perverts and sickos will want to view the footage in order to get their rocks off.

According to a John Fatarse, president of the American Society of Perverts, Staiton is 100% correct. "We perverts have a definite need to vicariously participate in other peoples' pain and Irwin's death is no different", said Fatarse. "We can only hope the network news anchors will show the tape soon. Otherwise, one of our members will be forced to leak it to the internet."

A still from the video which, true to form, has leaked onto the internet. To view the full footage, press Alt+F4

When asked if the tape would be shown, most network newscasters had a similar response. "We need to show as much blood and gore as possible", claimed Anita Enema the head producer of an American newshow and internet gossip/child pornography site. "Ratings are good for business. People want to see disgusting things over and over and over again. It satiates their uncivilized, subconsious desire to witness the dirty laundry of others."

Of course, Irwin's family and friends have refused to comply. Staiton has turned the film over to Australian police and expressed his desire to see it destroyed.

According to Fatarse, "We think Irwin's family is being incredibly selfish with that tape. We have member perverts in the Aussie Society who work for the police. I expect the film to be uploaded in a few hours and then we'll show the world our true colors."