UnNews:Chuck Norris denies claims of fathering Jesus Christ

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

A newsstand that's brimming with issues UnNews Monday, December 6, 2021, 17:28:59 (UTC)

Chuck Norris denies claims of fathering Jesus Christ UnNews Logo Potato.png

26 December 2009

I've had enough of these motherfucking disciples at this motherfucking supper!

Anywhere except Nova Scotia - Following claims by research teams of the Sudanese government, Chuck Norris has responded negatively to accusations of fathering the late Jesus Christ. The qualified "Bas-ass MotherFucker P.h.d." spoke in recent press conference:

Of course I'm not his father. He doesnt look a thing like me. He's not even ginger!

Experts however, are not convinced. Some Irish Harvard proffessor told UnNews, "All research into the subject, show that Chuck Norris could be the only person capable of fathering a child that can die multiple times in one sitting." "Seeing as the average Norris round house kick breaks the higgs boson, embracing Einstein-Poldolsky theory of Quantum-Tunnling in Reverse with the density of a non-existing extra-spacial cauliflower particle, its perfectly plausable that Norris could have at some point been present at 8 Months BC, and impregnated the Virgin Mary with the power of his mind."

This theory is not just idealism - It is suspected that Chuck Norris has fathered approximately 42,785 illigitimate children world wide (except in Nova Scotia - which according to Norris, does not actually exist). Norris the went on to argue:

I would have at least given the child a decent name! How about Emmanuel Ass-Kicking Christ Norris?

Further research continues into the claims, by the scientists who have not yet been found and deleted by Chuck Norris.

God has so far refused to comment.