UnNews:Cheney kicked Bush in testicles over Libbey

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17 February 2009

WASHINGTON DC, UNN - Reports are surfacing that former United States Vice President Dick Cheney's leg injury that required him to use a wheelchair during the Inaugural of Barrack Obama was the result of Cheney's attempt to kick the 43rd President in the testicles over the refusal of outgoing President George W. Bush to grant a full pardon to I. Lewis "Scooter" Libbey.

According to the New York Post, Cheney lobbied heavily for a last minute full-pardon for Libbey, who took the fall for the administration's role in the Valerie Plame scandal.

Concerned about his legacy, and his falling poll numbers, Bush refused Cheney's demands. A credible White House source reported overhearing Bush tell Cheney that "It may have taken seven years, eleven months and twenty-nine days, but I've finally grown a set of my own Dick and the answer is no!"

Cheney was heard to reply "Then let me be the first to break them in for you," which was then followed by an agonizing cry for help and thud, the result of Cheney's loss of balance as he drew his leg back for the kick. As Cheney writhed in pain Bush reported refused to allow White House staffers to call for an ambulance, saying that he felt the Vice President should enjoy the same rich reward that the American people were enjoying at that moment thanks to Cheney's political decisions.

Bush, who is currently enjoying his retirement clearing brush on his Texas ranch refused to comment, his spokesman saying that the President is enjoying certain aspects of his retirement, and certainly happy to no longer feel compelled to do them.

"I can tell you that no such scenario played out in the White House, even though I wasn't there because I was hiding out from being served a supeona for my role in the whole affair," said former White House confidant Karl Rove in appearance on NBC's Today Show. "In the Bush administration it was the President who serviced the Vice President's testicles, and I am sure that was what was happening when Mr. Cheney lost his balance."