UnNews:Canadian troops defeat 10 foot plants after 10 day battle

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard UnNews Tuesday, November 30, 2021, 18:39:59 (UTC)

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24 October 2006

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Soldiers close in on the enemy
Pte. Parts smokes a "cigarette" after changing into his "civies" at a victory party at the Canadian Base

Kandahar, Afghanistan (CP) - Canadian troops fighting terrorists in Afghanistan came upon an unexpected and potent enemy. An army of marijuana plants, many exceeding 10 feet in height were hired by the Taliban to help them fight Canadian forces. The Taliban used the plants for camoflauge. Canadian Forces celebrated defeat of one marijuana plant by hotboxing an armoured vehicle. The army attempted to burn down the plants so the Taliban wouldn't have them for camoflauge or smoking but the forces ran into some difficulty. The plants were so full of water that few of them burnt. A few brown plants on the edge of the forest did catch.

According to General Rick Hillier, successful incineration has its own drawbacks, "Several soldiers were downwind of the burning plants and became so stoned that they forgot what the mission was". Finally after 10 days, Canadian forces were able to defeat the Taliban and the 10 foot marijuana plants. It is believed that this crucial military victory will help to demoralize the Taliban by depriving them of the intoxicating properties of marijuana.

Many of the plants have now gone missing but General Hillier attributes it to a minor clerical error. In an unrelated story, thick smoke was found seeping from many military tents in the area and soldiers were reported to be in high spirits.