UnNews:Biden dispels fears of balloon war

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6 February 2023

Replacing jet fuel with oars is the latest Biden initiative to fight climate change.

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- U.S. President Joe Biden has dismissed fears of a "balloon war" after the USA shot down a Chinese dirigible claimed to be an "inflatable spy satellite."

The drama in the skies saw the might of the USA deployed against a balloon that had apparently "wandered off course" from spying on Canada and tracking the movements of Justin Trudeau. The balloon's sharp turn to the right (North America's first in over six years) saw it float across the country before being shot down off the coast of South Carolina.

"It was a great victory," claimed Biden. "Those Chinese sneaks were not expecting my flyboys would take down the nosy balloon. The previous guy, dozy Trump, never shot down a one of them! Dynamic Joe did the right thing." In contrast, the Chinese government insist the balloon was merely up there to celebrate the Chinese new year and had nothing more than fireworks.

The destruction of the balloon has led to fears that the skies will soon be full of modern-day Zeppelins firing at each other in a new struggle for the skies. Biden said the American Space Force will soon be given charge of the balloon offensive against Beijing and Moscow, an initiative to have the military "High Frontier" mean more than discount pot at the commisary.