UnNews:Apple removes app due to pornography concerns

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25 January 2013

Steve Jobs making sure you don't masturbate from beyond the grave

Cupertino, California, -- Sources report that Apple has removed a photo sharing program called 500px from its app store today over concerns about pornography. According to Apple, the application allowed users to easily access pornography. It is the policy of Apple to sell apps that can be used to spread pornography only if they are at least moderately hard to use.

The move comes as a shock to many. One loyal Windows user, Archibald Luddite, was stunned, "Since when do you need third party programs to access pornography on a computer? Don't these things come with web browsers? On a windows PC, once you have an internet connection, all you need to do is open Internet Explorer, download a real browser like Netscape Navigator, and search for "boobs". How hard could that be? This is why I will never buy Apple products. In the 11 years I have been using Windows XP, I have never once had an issue finding porn on the internet."

Other users were equally infuriated. "What is point of having an IPod if I can't look at boobs?" said John "Johnny" Young, who reportedly received on iPod this Christmas. "I might as well have gotten a generic mp3 player. Now I'll have to sneak the family laptop into my bedroom to look at boobies, just like my father's generation used to do back in the day. Its like I'm living in the freakin' dark ages or something."

There was, however, some support for the measure. "I, for one, applaud Apple for preventing the spread of this smut," said Dorothy Prude. "Just think how horrible it would be if people could use the internet to spread naughty pictures. Do you know how easy it would be for everyone, even children, to look at indecent pictures? Why, even my great grandson Johnny could be looking at at that trash right now. I'm sure glad nice, family friendly companies like Apple and Wikia are keeping the internet clean for everyone, so it can be used to looking at funny cats and pictures of one's great-grandchildren like it was intended. By the way, would you like a hard candy, sonny?"

Sources[edit]

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