UnNews:Apartments served with all you can salad dressing

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2 July 2008

'COLUMBUS, OHIO - UNN If Mary Reilly is having friends over for dinner, she never has to worry about running out of salad dressing. If her cupboard is bare, the 45 year-old legal secretary from Columbus, Ohio and mother of two simply has to run down to her basement and shovel some of the Thousand Island dressing carried into house through a sewer back-up problem off the floor and into a bowl.

"I started to go into the basement to do some dainty hand-washables and I immediatly got an odd, smell of something tangy, yet sweet and spicy."

Upon turning on the light, she dicovered that half the basement floor was covered with the Thousand Island dressing, with more gurgling up through the floor drain.

"Well, I said to myself 'Well I'll be,' " said Reilly.

Reilly, along with several residents live about 200 feet from a major salad dressing manufacture plant, which pours excess ingredients down the drain. When combined with the heavy rains in the area, the mixture is too thick to flow into sanitary sewers, and backed up into the floor drainage system in the fifty-year old townhouse complex.

"Mary came over and asked if we had Thousand Island dressing in our basement. When I said that no, but I thought we had a bottle in our refrigerator, she said that we might want to see what was oozing out of drains," commented Reilly's next door neighbor Heidi Shank.

"Sure enough, we had salad dressing gurgleing out of our floor drains! Luckily for my roommate and I, its a low-cal Balsamic Italian, with a hint of rosemary and heavy aroma of fecal matter," said the full-time student at Ohio State University.

John Rose a spokesman for the T. Marzetti Company seemed concerned, but added that the problem should be corrected in a few days. In the meantime Rose recommended that the apartment residents lay in a supply of croutons and some "nice romaine lettuce," warning that "Its a proven fact that regular head lettuce is very low in actual nutrient value."