UnNews:Al and Tipper Gore split up

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Al and Tipper Gore split up UnNews Logo Potato.png

1 June 2010

The couple is best known for a tonsil-hockey match that entered overtime during the 2000 Democratic Nominating Convention.

NASHVILLE, Tennessee -- Al Gore and his wife, Tipper, announced by e-mail to some close friends that they are separating after 40 years of marriage.

Mr. Gore was a U.S. Senator, then Vice President under Bill Clinton and was the Democratic candidate to succeed him in the 2000 election. He also made a movie that won some sort of prize. He has an enduring impact on the political scene, as he makes you kind of glad that Joe Biden is at least lively. Tipper Gore's major issue as Second Lady was mental health, and her work led to passage of a federal law that extends payment for diseases you can prove you have, to diseases you can't.

A spokeswoman for the couple confirmed the e-mail's authenticity, but the couple declined further comment. That is why it's remarkable to think that Tipper Gore would give an exclusive interview to UnNews.

Mrs. Gore, whose real given name is Rapunzel, or something because no one is named Tipper, said that her husband's serial mendacity consumed the relationship. "Inventing the Internet, bringing Love Canal to the national consciousness, he did none of those things," said a distraught, chain-smoking Tipper. "And Bush didn't steal the 2000 election. We just wanted an excuse to enjoy the Miami nightlife a little longer."

"One deal with white lies in relationships. But after twelve years with no measurable global warming at all, I had nothing left to believe in."

Mrs. Gore did lay one issue to rest. "No, our marriage was not the basis for the movie Love Story. In fact, it inspired Animal House."