UnNews:"No such thing as swine flu" admits Aussie PM
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 16:45:59 (UTC) |
| "No such thing as swine flu" admits Aussie PM | 
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2 September 2009
CANBERRA, Australia - There was public anger today when a down beaten, frankly drunk Australian Prime minister Kevin Rudd was forced to admit that there is no such thing as Swine Flu. The admission came after the United Farmyard Animal Alliance released a report yesterday, painted in purple ink onto a pragmatic cow, saying they had never seen an ill pig. Rudd squealed that the then non-existent disease’s creation had come about through genuine error whilst he was on a state visit to Mexico. ’I had been sniffing and blowing my nose in the manner of a man who undoubtedly was with cold. Additionally a rather over enthusiastic paella the previous evening had laboured me somewhat with a stomach upset. In my discomfort I mentioned to the Mexican Prime minister that I had “a swine of a flu.” Before I knew what happened - all hell literally [not literally] broke loose.’
Once news of this supposed new virus filtered through to the ugly public consciousness, there were multiple reports of people catching the virus. The slightest symptom or small discomfort immediately brought protestations of pig related incapacity. The first member of public diagnosed with Swine Flu, William Pomstant of Oregon, USA, has since been re-diagnosed as simply suffering from a broken leg.
Rudd’s admission has brought anger from all quarters, eighths and even sixteenths. There was even a super-natural comment; a joint statement released from ‘somewhere up there’ by the Gods of the Old Testament, New Testament and Quran stated: ‘If you lot there are going to continually harp on about something called Swine Flu, we’re sure as hell going to create it. Not through a wrathful anger; just through belief that the concept of Swine Flu brought the world closer together. We create this virus now, as a source for hope, friendship and unity on this beautiful planet one of us created. It is going to be deadly.‘