Talk:Chuck Norris/archive

Big Boss?

Why the feck does Big Boss redirect here? There used to be a hilarious article on our Outer Heaven leader, but it's gone and redirects to his opposite and archrival. WTF.

what the fuck, indeed. everyone's trying to fucking kill the big boss/chuck norris connection, this is true loonecy. there doesn't have to be an article about him, but please, don't fucking redirect "big boss" to "chuck norris"!! it's like if I redirected "homosexual" to "Oscar Wilde".--75.68.71.148 21:36, 18 July 2007 (UTC)

The Big Boss article was VFD'd twice in a week. It was terrible and it most certainly was not funny. The Oblong Lobster 15:08, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

So instead redirect it to an even worse article? Fuck you, oblong (that should be an insult word). --75.68.71.148 20:13, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

That's retarded, the Big Boss article was hilarious and had me laughing my ass off whenever I read it. Bring that shit back.

Your opinion was not shared by people who make their opinions known in VFD. Most of said voters have accounts. --THINKER 15:47, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

I have an account, I'm just too lazy to log in right now, my username is Plissken. Had I been aware of a VFD, I would have joined in for the article's defense; It was an article of its own, and it's just like every other article on this website: FULL OF SHIT. So how can it be said that it wasn't fit for uncyclopedia standards? Bring it back, it was its own article that doesn't deserve to be redirected to this. If anything, the Chuck Norris article is full of the same type of shit, so if the Big Boss article was subject to that moderation, so too should this one be.

Look, there's nothing funny about guys who are apparently God-like in terms of strength. This Chuck Norris shit was never funny to begin with. It sucks when somebody tries to take ANOTHER guy who is supposedly strong, like Big Boss, and basically decides to repeat what was done with the Chuck Norris "Facts". And trying to link the two together is even stupider. I don't understand how you're amused by any of this. Also, you're whining about how all articles on Uncyclopedia are "FULL OF SHIT". Get the hell out of here then, and don't come back if you think it sucks. Roman Dog Bird 01:10, 28 July 2007 (UTC)

Haha, I never said the shit the pages are full of wasn't funny. I love this place.

Suggestion

this article would be so much funnier if it called chuck norris a dweeb who works for an advertising company in a cubicle. —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 82.31.13.179 (talk • contribs)

agreed --TravisBatos 20:14, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

This article is patented meme bullshit. There's a multitude of ideas that would make it better, but unfortunately, internet lore, immaturity and IP edits will keep it from ever reaching its potential. --THINKER 20:26, 21 July 2007 (UTC)

Rewriting tammy

I am thinking about Major rewriting this page, but I need help. Will you join me...Many will die...But in the end we shall cast this evil page into the dark fiery pits of edit history! I think we should make fun of how Covseveritive Chuck Norris is. JOIN ME AND YOU WILL REACH ETERNAL GLORY! --→☃☭Mr.Huffy☭☃← 09:21, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Honestly, I think the best method to take for this article is going back, calling Chuck Norris remarkably medicaore, and stating that due to his lack of popularity, he himself created all those Chuck Norris facts. Chainsawmidget 22:44, 19 May 2007 (UTC)

In my opinon, and this is just me, we should rewrite it into two halves, normal people who know Chuck is just some guy who did this or that and people who practically revere him as God.--75.84.148.90 01:32, 22 May 2007 (UTC)

This is a COMEDY website. If you do rewrite the page it will stop beeing funny. Who cares if he is mediocre? The Chuck Norris facts is one of the funniest things around. Please protect the article. Stop the spamming.

Day in the life of Chuck Norris

It's plagarized from the alphabet of manliness--71.252.234.219 21:50, 8 April 2007 (UTC)

Protect it?

This article is getting worse and worse by the day, I suggest we protect it before it fills up with any more spam. Chuck Norris is a god, but old news.

RIGHT NOW! Protect the page now as I have fixed it, quickly before it is vandalized again!--Little Jimmy 11:01, 11 February 2007 (UTC)

Old news? Chuck Norris is never old news. IDIOT!--66.114.0.3 18:34, 14 March 2007 (UTC)

He is, in fact 99% of all people think so. IDIOT!--→☃☭Mr.Huffy☭☃← 09:21, 25 April 2007 (UTC)

Chuck Norris Article Facelift

Seeing as how the Chuck Norris Facts run rampant all over the internet, it would not be very Uncyclopedic to offer everyone with the same basic information on this site. I think we should start making this article as bland and boring as is humanly possible, I posted a copy of the wikipedia article and took out all of the pop references, to start. --KingOfCrunk 06:20, 3 October 2006 (UTC)

Does no one wish to take the high road on this one? Just more shitty, nonsensical gibberish? Seriously, the humour on Uncyclopedia has taken a turn for the worse, lets give users one joke that isn't horribly obvious. As I said earlier, my reasoning is that people run into Chuck Norris jokes on every single last page they encounter in the course of their browsings on the internets. One of the basic ideologies upheld by the institution of Uncyclopedia is that we be funny, and not just stupid. I think this article has gone far past the threshold of "stupid". Chuck Norris is a tough-guy action star with an infinite amount of kung fu moves. We get it. He has magical powers. We get it. Let's have a vote here for people in favor of making this page as dull and boring as possible. --KingOfCrunk 03:51, 5 October 2006 (UTC)

Thank you for your suggestion! When you feel an article needs fixin', please feel obligated to make whatever changes you feel are needed, (even though they'll probably be reverted 5 seconds later). Uncyclopedia is a wiki, so almost anyone can edit almost any article by almost simply following the edit link almost at the top. You don't even need to log in in most cases! (Although there are some reasons why you might like to...) The Uncyclopedia Cabal encourages you to be italic. Don't worry too much about making honest mistakes—they're likely to be found and corrected quickly, and your 6 month ban will fly by faster than you think. If you're not sure how editing works, check out proper wiki formatting, or use the sandbox to try out your vandalizing skills.

On a less canned note, I would be BEYOND glad to see this article made funny, and wish you luck. — Major Sir Hinoa (Plead) (KUN) (03:56, 5 October 2006 (UTC))

Support

1. KingOfCrunk 03:51, 5 October 2006 (UTC)
2. KingOfCrunk 02:38, 7 October 2006 (UTC)
3. KingOfCrunk 06:10, 16 October 2006 (UTC)

Oppose

No, that idea sucks balls

I like it how it is. Keep it random. Unc is supposed to make people laugh, not mildly entertained. --76.202.210.251 07:36, 12 June 2007 (UTC)

Chuck Norris "Facts"

Do not add "facts" about Chuck Norris; Uncyclopedia is not the place for them. I may start banning people for adding facts. I'll probably go with 8 hours to 2 days depending on whether or not you've done anything else to redeem you. Though, I reserve the right to ban people for longer if you really piss me off. --Sir gwax (talk) 23:26, 15 Jan 2006 (UTC)

Hang on, these "facts" you refer to are parody and not actually true facts. Why ban ANYONE for that? Are they copyvio or something? If not, I need a good explanation as to why we can't add Chuck Norris "facts" to this article. --Infobacker 22:15, 23 January 2006 (UTC)

Can we add the link to a fact generator at least? The fact generator is a huge peice of the Chuck Norris fad, I think it should at least be mentioned in the artice, with the exclusion of actually incorporating any facts into the article.

Feel free to create an external links section and include a link to a fact generator; that is perfectly acceptable. --Sir gwax (talk) 06:05, 16 Jan 2006 (UTC)

How about the following list of facts?

1. Chuck Norris is a six-time undefeated World Professional MiddleWeight Karate Champion.
2. Chuck Norris' real name is Carlos Ray Norris.
3. Chuck Norris is founder and President of United Fighting Arts Federation.
4. In 1991, Chuck with his team and sponsor "Popeye Chicken" won the World Off Shore Powerboat championships.
5. Chuck Norris' autobiography, "The Secret of Inner Strength" became a New York Times Best Seller.
6. Chuck Norris has won the Jewish Humanitarian Man of the Year Award.
7. Chuck Norris starred in "Walker, Texas Ranger" on CBS for eight years.
8. Chuck Norris has fives kids called Mike, Dina, Eric, Alan and Danilee Kelly.
9. Chuck Norris has appeared in over 24 films.
10. Chuck Norris performed the opening of "Walker, Texas Ranger" and won the BMI Music Television Award for it.

nothing true. --76.202.210.251 07:39, 12 June 2007 (UTC)

I think Chuch Norris Facts could be fun again if people think of their own. It will bring originality and new stuff to laugh at and no one will have read it before, so it won't be boring to start with. We can also use the list of real facts and tweak them a little. Like..."Chuck Norris has five kids named Death, Illness, Hate, Disaster and Mike" --Balisc 07:24, 23 June 2007 (UTC)

"If Looks Could Kill?" - The Squint

I would like to see it added somewhere that while most looks can't kill, the famous "Chuck Norris squint" can actually kill you, and if he looks at you without his aviator sunglasses, it's possible for him to paralyze you from the neck down, like Christopher Reeve.

"[he was] Created by God" ?

I thought that: "Chuck Norris accidentally created God when he thought too hard, trying to imagine ANYONE that could equal his own skills. God was as close as he could come up with." Isn't it?

Chuck Norris pics

what happened to the michelangelo painting? if someone could please find it and put it back in here as well as any other good norris pics would be awesome. oh and it's dragonball z, not dragon ball z

Chuck Norris Roundhouse kick pic

Ok look, whoever is admining the picture for the roundhouse kick is wrong. The kick Chuck Norris is doing to that other dudes throat is not a roundhouse kick but a front snap kick. I don't mean to be rude but the image needs to be either deleted or changed to acurately express a roundhouse kick. If its not a roundhouse kick in the picture, seeing as it is an actual picture, it is infact incorrect and not funny. Again i mean no disrespect and as a martial artist myself, just want to get things strait.

Thank You,

Xero Dagujin

This is a wiki, you can fix it if you like. --Sir gwax (talk) 21:10, 16 February 2006 (UTC)

Of course. Instead of calling it a roundhouse kick, just say that Chuck discovered a sure cure for hiccups. Gee whiz, use a little imagination or something. (Unsigned)

If you (or anyone else) can find a good image of a "genuine" roundhouse kick, I'll photoshop Chuck's face onto it, if someone else doesn't get to it first. I'll admit, I didn't do a very extensive image search. --Some user 01:13, 17 February 2006 (UTC)

Hey man does it matter? If you are so offended by it not being a real roundhouse kick (remember this is Uncyclopedia, it is not mean to be factual) simply rename it to being a "Snap Kick" or whatever type of kick it is!

WTF

Whats happened to this page? 150.237.47.2 21:27, 8 February 2006 (UTC)

I agree, revert the page or bring back the old stuff. This page used be much bigger and much better!

Chuck Norris jokes are not funny. Anything having to do with Chuck Norris is old and tired. Please let this retarded trend die.

WTF!? (again)

The page was reverted to an older better version, and again a f#%*ing hack vandal (probably the same person as before) screwed the page again.

True dat

maybe restore it and lock it? or at least monitor who edits it, hrmm...

Add Lu Bu?

If anyone saw the Lu Bu article it has a section about his rivalary with chuck norris maybe somone can add in chuck's article about his rivalry with lu bu?

• Thanks for your suggestion. If you feel a change is needed, please go ahead and make it yourself! Uncyclopedia is a wiki, so anyone (yourself included) can edit any article by following the Edit link. You don't even need to log in, although there are several reasons why you might want to. Uncyclopedia convention is to be bold and do it yourself you fat lazy cunt. If you're not sure how editing works, then fuck off back to aol with all the other n00bs, or try out the Sandbox to test your editing skills. New contributors are always welcome. Guinness2702 09:57, 6 March 2006 (UTC)

Facts Question

If the facts are supposed to be on the CN/Facts page, why are alot still in the Chuck, The Man section? --Roger The Bum Full sig!

<a href="http://rdoger6424.jaywebdesigns.com/recipient.php">psychotomimetic</a>

CLICK HERE!!!!!!!! 16:51, 22 February 2006 (UTC)

Chuck Norris: Systems Analyst

I agree wholeheartedly with the anonymous user who wrote that at the top. Normally, a simple reversal of expectation isn't the funniest you can do with a given topic — text like "John Smith is actually a woman" really has no purpose). Here, however, it would work because the rest of the Internet can be thought of as the "fake" article on Chuck Norris. It's a parody of a parody — deep, to say the least.

As far as I'm concerned, the whole "facts" thing really is a clever, if overdone internet phenom' — particularly the subtle ones like "He doesn't sleep, he waits," and less so the ones like "Chuck Norris killed everybody, including God," which don't really have a point except pure exaggeration. That said, I feel that an article about an office dweeb, with subtle hints about the phenomenon (like, "Mr. Norris occasionally wishes he could get back at that guy who mugged him on one occasion, but realized such dreams are fruitless") would definitely, in my opinion, be the best that can be done here. Of course, such a change probably wouldn't survive for more than a day before someone either reverted it or changed it all back by hand, so there wouldn't be much of a point as far as I am concerned. :(

Wait! :) What if I were to make one myself with a title like "Chuck Norris 2"? That way, people could ejaculate all their fun silliness on this one and the "other" gag could still exist somewhere. Of course, it would possibly get speedy deleted as well, but I'd be happier to risk that, I think. What do you all say?

--Lenoxus 15:38, 30 May 2006 (UTC)

Actually, most Chuck facts aren't clever. Most of the ones I've read are from a really, really old fad about Vin Diesel, with the name changed. Suddenly, when someone went and changed the names, the gag exploded with 1000x the popularity. Go figure. But yeah, I really want the cliche fad taken out of this article. It's been done. And done. And done. --User:Nintendorulez 22:54, 11 July 2006 (UTC)

And it appears someone actually followed through with my idea for me -- I'm gladder than I can say... wow... --Lenoxus 20:54, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

Stupid list

WTH is up with the list of ppl who can defeat Chuk Norris?? No one can do that... -- User:Drogo

Don't be rediculous. Chuck Norris is a tool.

Officially Official

This page needs policing. As Chuck Norris' personal assistant, I am now in charge of this page. Beware all ye dribblers, Alice the Phallus is givin ya the shaft!!! Zena Dhark…·°º•ø®@» 03:19, 14 September 2006 (UTC)

Tips for anybody who wants to edit the Chuck Norris Article.

• Adding just any random character you can think of to the "Those who can Defeat Chuck Norris" section isn't funny. Think of adding people who are just as ridiculously tough characters in their movies like Mr. T or Vin Diesel.

• Deleting redeeming value does not make the article funny.

• If you want to say Chuck Norris sucks, is gay, or any other insult, go to the Chuck Norris Bashers article.

• Likewise, pointless drivel should not be posted here. Go to the insanity page if you want to do that.

• Chuck Norris Facts go on the Chuck Norris/Facts page.

• Don’t get pissed off at factual inaccuracies, this is Uncyclopedia, not Wikipedia.

• Saying “OMG THIZ GUY IS SO MUCH BETTER THEN CHUCK NORRIS LOLOCOPTER!!11” is not funny and has no place here. If you think someone is better then Chuck Norris, go to that someone’s page to say that, not here.

Lets list the parts of the Article that need fixing up here.

Lets list the parts of the Article that need fixing up here, so we know what needs to be worked on.

• Chuck Norris and Piracy: This part is pointless drivel. It needs to be compleatly rewritten.

• Chuck Norris Haters: This part started off as a guy bashing Chuck Norris on the wrong page, (he is meant to be on the Chuck Norris Bashers page), and then someone else tried to put some redeeming value into it. It needs to be touched up (no not touched up in that way pervert!).

---

RE: WTF!? (again)

"The page was reverted to an older better version, and again a f#%*ing hack vandal (probably the same person as before) screwed the page again. [edit] True dat "

Probably people at my school did it the eitire school ip is blocked from every wiki site on the planet... lol - Chrisworld 22:28, 21 February 2007 (UTC)

---

On so many articles chuck norris is listed as a pokemon, digimon etc. Maybe we should list all he is on his own article ;)

lets leave it alone

STOP SPAMMING CHUCK!!!!!! --Leethaxorz 16:09, 22 May 2007 (UTC)--Leethaxorz 16:09, 22 May 2007 (UTC)--Leethaxorz 16:09, 22 May 2007 (UTC)--Leethaxorz 16:09, 22 May 2007 (UTC)

People who may be able to defeat Chuck Norris

It should say "For Full Article, See Those Who May be Able to Defeat Chuck" and redirect it to the blank page. --[citations needed] 04:29, 28 May 2007 (UTC)

VFD discussions

Keep	Just the fact that someone wants to delete this page is ridiculous.-Mustkillroy NO. De-crufting, yes. And keeping off other pages, certainly. But if this is deleted, it will be repaced with crap that is nowhere near as good as it is now, no matter how good it actually is now. I notice you didn't give any reasons either. Do you want to delete it because of the content, or the title? Because I'm sure codeine's mum knows chuck norris, if you know what I mean. Rewrite it if you think it sucks by all means, but you don't need it to be deleted to do that. • Spang • ☃ • talk • 03:43, 5 Feb 2007 Keep I was going to say what Spang said, but didn't have time earlier. Keep per Spang. —Braydie at 04:00, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Keep the article, but Kill Chuck Norris/Facts. --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 07:36, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Keep. Etc etc, see above. -- (but) Untrue  Whhhy?Whut?How? *Back from the dead* 16:37, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Keep. What's next - Jesi? The article is decent. If you have an allergy to Chuck Norris - don't read it. --Medvedev (scream) 19:02, 5 February 2007 (UTC) keep. I agree with whichever other people said approximately the same thing i'm saying now. chuck on every page is a plague, but there's no reason he shouldn't have one page. he earned that at least and no more, plus if you delete it it will be back in a day and shitter - jack mort | cunt | talk - 20:40, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Keep --Alksub - VFH CM WA RV {talk} 08:08, 6 February 2007 (UTC) Keep, this is one of the foundations of Uncync, as much as we try to avoid using it in new articles, we should keep the original. ~ 12:22, 6 February 2007 (UTC) You heartless bastards! Would you kill Oscar next? Mr. T? Have you no sense of history? History!--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:16, 7 February 2007 (UTC)
Delete	This is not "some kind of sick joke". I acctaully want to delete this article. I will do it to. Just as soon as you all vote for it. --Brigadier General Sir Zombiebaron 20:21, 4 February 2007 (UTC) This is probably the one article I will vote to delete, it belongs on ED. I say keep some of the better parts (he is, despite popular belief, a man, not a joke), and actually add satire to the new article. (parody the meme, incorporate the facts into the bio, etc...) Mr. Briggs Inc. 01:22, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Eh? I like that idea. Tell the story of Chuck's life as if all the facts were true and incorporate them into events. --» His Majesty King George VI (the boxes) 01:37, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Chuck Norris must die. --» >UF|TLK|▋» 03:31, 5 February 2007 (UTC) I'd agree that 90% of it by volume is crap. If I had/have some free time, I'd be more than happy to rewrite it. Not that it would make anyone happy, but I've no problem with that. Sir Famine, Gun ♣ Petition » 02/6 03:09 Delete --Sir Todd GUN WotM MI UotM NotM MDA VFH AotM Bur. AlBur. CM NS PC (talk) 13:00, 6 February 2007 (UTC)
Comments	Look, as sick as many people are of Chuck, I think he needs a page of some sort. Even if it's a parody of the meme or something. --» His Majesty King George VI (the boxes) 22:12, 4 February 2007 (UTC) The page needs to exist, and a bunch of the stuff there is good. I suggest we save it IF one or two good editors volunteer to clean it up. I offer myself to start, if that'll do. Smrt-guy 03:58, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Is it possible to just vote for the deletion of Chuck Norris/Facts? --Crazyswordsman...With SAVINGS!!!! (T/C) 07:37, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Would have to be a different vote. Start a new table if you think it should go. —Braydie at 07:39, 5 February 2007 (UTC) Kept, voting closed. -- 16:28, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

I would like to add something to Chuck's half-assed filmography.

Here's my idea of an ideal Chuck Norris motion picture: "Chuck Norris and Skandar Keynes in The Roundhouse Kid" (2007) (Skandar's actually a black belt in tae kwon do). --Ryanasaurus0077 21:31, 14 June 2007 (UTC)

Funny

Haa haa! This article is the finniest (er, funniest) I've read so far! HAHAHAHAHA! Hee hee! It's even better than the Godzilla one! Cremationist 01:42, 30 June 2007 (UTC)

--Hydrorunner 00:58, 30 July 2007 (UTC)== minor edit for "a day in the life" section ==

(8:56 pm, or 20:56, july 29, 2007) it was noted in said section that chuck eats dynamyte, and craps gunpowder, and uses it to shoot something latter in the day for his lunch. However it is actually supposed to be that he eats beef jerky, craps gunpowder and uses it to shoot more cattle to make more beef jerky, and that some call this the "circle of life"

Greatest man on earth.

YA RLY!

Nobody cares. Roman Dog Bird 07:36, 31 July 2007 (UTC)

harry potter

u guys think harry potter could solo kill chuck with his amazing magic powers?

Nobody cares. Roman Dog Bird 18:26, 1 August 2007 (UTC)

Fonz vs Chuck

I already added this to the Fonz article before I made an account, and I would like to add it to the Chuck Norris article under "people who may be able to defeat chuck norris." But I can't edit because the article is locked :( - Rukifelth

Bon Scott?

It says in the AC/DC article that Bon Scott wounded Chuck Norris long enough to Escape, shouldn't he be on the list of deceased individuals that could pose a treath to him?