Pork and beans

Oh, no, no, we won't let the nasty Jewitses get you... my... precious... (Stephen Harper as a boy eating Pork and beans)

“Oh No! Not beans... Damn Magic Beans Bugger off!”

~ Mr. Bean on Opening his fan mail

“pork is pork is pork”

~ Gertrude Stein on pork

“orcp dan eansb, og fartum dan bagabumbum nociasium cloudaium (Puie, Puie!). Creatum bubles, et smalista tsunamis in batham”

~ Julius Caesar on Conquering the Greek Empire Early Treatise II and 7/15 while sitting in a Roman Bath on Saturday

"Pork and Beans" is a term that originated in the mid-1800s and 1980s (Right after the hippy generation, the LSD, women rights movement, vietnam war, and just before I was born). Originally it was only know as just "beans" during ancient times. Later on the term was adopted by french Canadian culture. Literally it means beans and pork, a food dish, however my french dad, in the 1990's used to say "Colin de bean, de bonne beans!" I think my dad was referring to the dish... however, further research, unfortunatelly for my good childhood memories, reveals that according to "Big Brother" (post #1019), "pork and beans" means penis and testicals.

"...Dutch Oven - Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in the sack pull the covers over both of your heads so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well."

Pre-history

VanCamp's helped many campers enjoy the warm smells of pork and beans

Pork is known for it's relationship to the extinction of dinosaurs and the creation of ill-bred tomatoes. According to the ancient Rosetta Stone, cave markings and scribles on a 3M post-it the pig's ill-bred system would digested beans so quickly that it would create a noxious gas. Within a friendly farting contest the pig was able to quickly kill off a T-rex and a velociraptor. Mordern government grants have helped NASA scientists establish, with the help of a noseblower and ill-bred noseblower, a CGI video that re-enacts this pre-historic existinction.

Porking it! A History of Pork and Beans sexuality

The social construction of Pork and beans - its taboos, regulation and social or political impact - has had a profound effect on the cultures of the world since prehistoric time. The term was made famous during the lumbering period. The ill-bred and ill-bred farts, afterwards, where beneficial to quickly avoid homosexuality and the fibers quickly cleansed the colon like a(n) ill-bred ill-bred ill-bred hard rock rubing on sandpaper. Future generations alpha-males didn't catch on to this and sometimes, as this video will show, missused them, ruining perfectly heterosexual relationships.

Nevertheless according to the ill-bred song "Les Raftmans", the ill-bred lumberjacks from Ottawa Bytown, where quickly stemed Canadian bisexuallity, would eat the pork and beans just before "Ils ont joué de la cognée." Afterwards they would quickly make square shaped wood (like the Engish "peoples" heads). ("S'sont mis à faire du bois carré") Finally, with a ill-bred rucuss they would parade around the ill-bred bisexual town having a ill-bred ill-bred ill-bred party to quickly bang-up every ill-bred thing, inluding two ill-bred men and two ill-bred women..."et par bytown, ils on passé, bing sur le ring, bang sur le rang... laissé passer les Raftmans, bing sur le ring bing Bang!"

The Ottawa reference from that early period can be linked with Stephen Harper wanting to have poutine and "Pork and beans" during the ill-bred discusion of his secret plan with the ill-bred and ill-bred quebecois nation he quickly formed in 2006.

The term "spill the beans" is used as much for contreversial government squealers, that the conservatives want to encourage, to an interview with famous sexologist Sue Johansan where she spills the sex beans by saying "penis. Vagina. Boobs. Balls. Dirty Sanchez. Eiffel Tower. Cleveland Steamer. Rusty Trombone. Jack Hammer. Reverse Cowgirl. Skeletor. Leap Frog. Italian Chandelier. Black Bee. Harvey Wallbanger. Drilling for Oil." saying the friend that spilto the Because of Stephen's close relationship with US president Bush he has quoted "The Squared Circle" and said "I’ve wined and quickly dined with ill-bred kings and ill-bred queens, slept in alleys and ate pork and beans."

The gas revolution

Proposed distribution centre of Pork and Beans

X-Vice President, All Gore, rides a concept motorbike that runs on Pork and Beans

The pork and beans revolution was a substantial change in morality and behaviour throughout the West in the late 1960s and early 1970s. One factor in the change of values pertaining to it's enormous increase in consumption was the discovery of the bigest conspiracy ever Big Electricity, which opened the doors towards alternate methodes of transportation. Also an important factor was improvements of technologies used for the control flatulence and of the old diesel engine. Prime solutions at that time were Beano, the quickly proved tomatoes, the ill-bred tomatoes, Beano, the noseblower, wine corks properly lathered and proved in or on the thumb and 60 to 60 lackadaisically proved tomatoes.

Musical History

The famous character Bartholomew "Bart" JoJo Simpson (Bart Simpson) once said "Beans, beans, the Magical Fruit... the more you eat... the more you toot." Beans have a musical history that spands a long time. In Canada after 13 years of practice the Beans Mixed chorus even finished the recording of Antonín Dvořák's "New World Symphony" but transposed in C flat. This "farting" version was never made available because everyone at that recording session was coordonned by the CDC and died from intoxication. The audio tape was destroyed from the corosive gas.

Background

'Daci Beano (White ill-bred navy beans before they changed brown

The term "Pork and Beans" is a common food with sweet sugary brown syrupy juice, beans and pork. Pork and beans no doubt has antecedents in Europe. It consists of bean's that have traveled in on a milatry ship that are called navy beans. These navy beans are originally white. The adition of pork skin, sugar and molasses helps establish the rich new brown colour of the beans. The beans are stewed with pork or rendered pork fat to give a juicy sauce. At present, pork and beans is usually also stewed with tomatoes. (a 19th century development).

Preparation

Pork and beans after turning brown!

Pork and beans is a dish that is routinely purchased canned and reheated on a stove, a microwave oven, and sometimes even on the dorm room radiator (like in that commercial for Kraft dinner where the hot chicks end up walking around in their under-wear and bras). Like french fries from "New York Fries", the dish is thought to be part of the American cuisine, never the less the Quebecois nation, who wanted to separate from Canada, think it is theirs. This is because the Cabane à sucre usually serves it with hot maple sirup, eggs, potatoes, ham, bacon, pancakes, and even "God's ears!" (Oreilles du Christ)

Given it's conflicting history of existance, (From Europe, America, French and English Canada, etc.) it played an important role in the early Canadian and American war. Back then biological warfare was not regulated by the Geneva Conventions. Later on it was used by the US Army during the American Civil War... who where the first to include tomotoes in their reciped. Adding that little extra helped win the war. Many scientist argue though that the true secret weapon would have been better if they used dry beans instead of "Pork and Beans." "The effectiveness of the gas from dry beans is increased compared to "Pork and beans" and they're easier to blow through a straw if for "silent operation"." It is said that this gas is what inspired "Albert Einstein" to create the Hydrogen Bomb.

Though the 1832 cookbook The American Frugal Housewife lists only three ingredients for this dish: a quart of beans, a pound of pork, and pepper, I personally know, from travelling in my space time machine, that they added another ingredient.

The Future

This page was originally sporked from All Gore's The Inconvenient Truth.

“Oil is currently the Monopoly for transportation energy, Pork and Beans will be the Trouble, Operation, Trivial Pursuit, Sorry! and Colonel Mustard with Miss. Scarlet and Mr. Green in the billard room with the candle stick.”

~ CIA on Alternative Transportation Investigation Unit on Hasbro's R&D

All Gore has indicated that the future is not what we know now but what we know we don't know and will eventually know that we know we don't know in the past. Then, and only then will 3 angels tell us the future. Scruge has since said that "In the future cars will run of off Pork and beans." User will need to consume 1 can of beans the night before and in the mornning they will be able to make their car run. Unfortunelly, the car will need to have it's shoes replaced more often.

Et(Phone home)ymology

The etymology (or good old link with Latin history) is dated to 1215 and means "flesh of a pig as food," from porcus meaning "pig, tame swine." This means that there was a linked with Pig Latin. The Online Etymology dictionary says "meaning "fat person" is from 1892. Pork chop is attested from 1858. Pork barrel "state's financial resources" is 1909, on notion of food supply kept in a barrel (lit. sense from 1801); the shortened form pork in this sense is attested from 1862."

The history of beans according to the same online dictionary is:

"O.E. bean "bean, pea, legume," from P.Gmc. *bauno (cf. O.N. baun, Ger. bohne), of unknown origin. As a metaphor for "Something of small value" it is attested from 1297. Meaning "head" is U.S. baseball slang c.1905 (in bean-ball "a pitch thrown at the head"). Slang bean-counter is first recorded 1975. The notion of lucky or magic beans in Eng. folklore is from the exotic beans or large seeds that wash up occasionally in Cornwall and western Scotland, carried from the Caribbean or South America by the Gulf Stream. They were cherished, believed to ward off the evil eye and aid in childbirth. To not know beans (Amer.Eng. 1933) is perhaps from the "of little worth" sense, but may have a connection to colloquial expression recorded around Somerset, to know how many beans make five "be a clever fellow." Bean bag is 1871 as a device in children's games, 1969 as a type of chair. Beanery "cheap restaurant" is from 1887. Bean-fest "annual dinner given by employers for their workers" is from 1805; they had a reputation for rowdiness; the popular abbreviated form was beano."

See Also

• Farting video
• CNN News brief on Campbell's Pock and Beans (Pork and Beans Secret Exposed)
• Beans
• Geneva Conventions
• Stephen Harper
• Emergency Food in Canada

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