Pie (language)
- You may be looking for Pie and not even know it!
Pie is a language spoken mainly by Canadians and Jamaicans. It is an extremely difficult language to learn, and as a result, only 37 people on Earth know how to speak it. It is impossible for anyone else to learn it, as the majority of the speakers are deaf and blind (a side effect of excessive Pie-speaking). The language consists of words replaced by words with relevance to pie and all related things. Such as, "Pie crust, apple spoon warm," would roughly translate as "Pie is nice, I like it a lot." Some words have multiple English meanings, such as "pie" translating to pie, cake, and, cake, cake, cake, cake and cake. This makes things very complicated, especially as instead of using punctuation, users scream loudly, and bite the other persons face when in friendly conversation. People who speak Pie are known as Pielons.
There is a special meaning for Pi. Depending on whether you say Pi (pi) or the number, Pi can mean Pi, but depending how far you carry out the number means different things. For example, 3 means Bottle Cap, 3.1 has no meaning, 3.14 means Bathroom, 3.141592653 means any flavor of cheese, and so forth.
Pie Grammar and Basic Pie
You must never use apostrophes in the Language of Pie, or you shall get bitten in the face to avoid evilness. Words that describe Pie are always used after saying any flavor of Pie to mention that something is good, never before. Words that insult Pie are considered swear words, and they are only whispered.
If you would like to speak some basic pie then you should learn these key phrases and rules. Different fruit related flavors are just representatives of value, such as Apple is something Very Good but Pear would be something stupid or useless. Some other values are Orange which is a special value, comparable to the value of UberPi or Infinity, but it is still less then apple. Some un-fruity flavors such as pumpkin have even specialer meanings. Pumpkin means noob and spoon means pwn. Fork means h4x0r and so on. A roughly translated sentence could look like this:
I took my spoon and dug it in to my pumpkin pie.
That roughly translates to:
I pwned the noob.
Please, though, don't use the Holy Language of Pie around in pumpkin slices or else you may end up blind.
Usefulness of Pie
Speaking Pie to a Pielon will result in being able to go anywhere you want. Whenever you speak Pie, you use Extreme Sarcasm, therefore causing Pie to be the only language that when spoken normally, can drive off a Grue.
Pie is the best counter against 1337, and is the only language that n00bs are not inept at, but no one cares, so no one documents it.
Pie can counter any porn, causing it to revert to a safe picture of a lamb jumping over the moon saying "Where's my chicken, fewl?" or turn to an image of Yoshi waving a lampshade in front of Link's head, saying, "Come over... to the lamp side... we have cookies!"
It is rumored that the hieroglyphics in Egypt can be translated to Pie just by kitten huffing in front of them. Wow.
Pie was popularised in 1934 by Lord Eggington Smythe of Brothelbert, with his ad campaign snappily titled "Let's All Speak Pie In Order to Fit In With Accordance To Socialist Lifestyle." Through this campaign Pielons doubled in number to 16.
Pie Languages
The pie language itself is very rare now, but it's descendants live on. It's descendants include:
- Germanic languages (see German)
- Romance languages
- Indian languages
- Almost very other language you can possibly think of. If a language isn't a pie language, then it obviously isn't important.
Developing throughout the Neolithic Age, the Proto-Indo-European language (PIE) is the hypothetical common ancestor of all Indo-European languages, believed to have been spoken about 4000 BC, and through to modern times in some parts of Wales and around the Wigan area.
History of Pie
| Start | End | Notable Developments | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Genesis | 4004BCE | 4000BCE | Universe is created at nightfall preceding October 23 |
| Pre PIE | 4000BCE | 3600BCE | Invention of Pencils |
| Proto PIE | 3600BCE | 1500BCE | Stonehenge I, II and III constructed |
| Neo Proto PIE | 1500BCE | 1200BCE | Stonehenge IV built |
| PIE | 1200BCE | 500BCE | Status Quo first formed |
| Lemon PIE | 500BCE | 150CE | Tribe of Hippies invade Europe |
| Steak and Ale PIE | 150CE | Dark Ages | England invented by the Welsh |
A number of key words have found their way into modern living languages, including Belgian and English. Examples of these can be found in the names of today's Gods and Goddesses, family titles, natural features of the landscape and porn.