Nuke
“Touchdown! Can I get a WOOP WOOP?!”
The Nuke was originally developed as a faster way to suntan; using plutonium and uranium, it can give you a glowing tan in just seconds. Per standard procedure, the United States military decided to first safety test the product on animals.
Most brand name nuclear weapons can be found at your local Costco next to the SPF WMD 40.
Nuking in Love and War[edit]
By far, the most popular nuking method is the "ol' drop a nuke while riding it". There are also much more intelligent methods, involving dropping the nuke and blaming a third world country. Riding the nuke was brought to the people's attention when they watched that weird black and white movie (you know the one - nuking in the USA!).
Nuking for sport[edit]
Nuking is a popular pastime in most developed nations. Representatives from countries meet up in Las Vegas and start to gamble. Which ever country loses gets nuked. Japan has always been bad at this game, and once lost twice in the same week. China always tries to cheat. They once rolled a 10 on a six sided die. This led to Tiananmen Square. Bush then told China "Wada u doin' rollin' a 10 on a seven - no five, no four - sided die. I'm gonna nuke your country". but then the Chinese gave him a nice kick and bush ran away like a dog sayin "Argh! I've been shoop da wooped!"
How the Nuke Works[edit]
A nuke works by this equation: , where is equal to , and the variables a,n,x,y,and z are just random numbers.
Nuke Prevention[edit]
Nukes are commonly used to stop other poor countries from making nukes however after extremely vicious tests from some science-nerds it has been concluded that the only country that exists is the United States of America a struggling developing nation and thus the United States of America declared war on the United States of America to prevent the poor nation from making nukes. We should just teach poor countries to make nuclear weapons, but teach them wrong so when they launch one, it’s just a giant stink bomb haha.
Nukes 50 percent off![edit]
Today only you can get your favorite brand of russian nuclear warheads half off! All purchases are entered to win a free iphone 2g!
Nuking in the arts[edit]
Music Nuking[edit]
Nuking stuff to music has also recently become very popular with the help of Scott Mullen. 'Nuke Music' consists of terrorist bands such as System of a Down, Rage Against the Machine, My Chemical Romance, Metallica, Slayer and N'Sync. Professional Nukers will also listen to Britney Spears and Lady GaGa ,but this is only for advanced Nukers. Another skill often attempted by Nukers is NUKING IN TIME TO MUSIC. This type of nuking involves a rhythm and a beat, and plenty of time and effort. Nukes are launched by correctly stepping on one of four arrows at the right time, the more precisely the arrow is stepped on the more people are killed. A good Nuker can kill a few billion people (hell, it's China) in one round (a full war takes three rounds). Unfortunately, this is a very dangerous activity, especially if the Nuker is listening to fight fire with fire's guitar riff or solo, as it can alter the Earth's orbit around the sun(assuming theres anything left of earth). With a bit of bad luck and a very loud song, we could either be pushed out of orbit or pushed into the sun. It is generally accepted that both of these would be a Very Cool Thing.
Nuking as Advertisement[edit]
Nukes were a common yet attention grabbing marketing device that was often used until banned in 1999. Much like skywriting, a plane would fly overhead of say, a sporting event. The nuke was dropped and during the explosion, colorful dyes were released, often in colors of the product, like red and yellow for McDonald's. The enveloping mushroom cloud would char the bodies of the people these colors, and survivors who saw these colors were encouraged to choose McDonald's! Nintendo got in on the trend in 1990 when they first marketed the GameBoy to American consumers. They created the infamous "Explosion" game, that detonated whenever placed in the GameBoy and turned on. Even after a death toll of 20000, the government allowed these games to be sold. Sure there were lawsuits, but any publicity is good publicity! The lack of adults is noticed, and responsible for the 2009 recession.
